Ola 的 blogg

Lyrics for Amethystium's "Shibumi"

2012-01-28T19:42:00.005+01:00

This is a great song by norwegian artist Amethystium:

I've seen people ask for the lyrics on youtube sooo many times, so I thought I'm just gonna try to make it so that they can be found on google instead, as a small, small favor to humanity. As the lyrics are nowhere given by Amethystium, painstaking research have been used to unearth them, my only clue, originally, being that they were somewhat the same as the lyrics in Karunesh's Bombay Pure, Enigma's The Child in us, Vangelis' Bizarre Bazaar and even on the soundtrack of Diablo II. I did recognize the language as sanskrit, and I was right. I could find transcripts of the lyrics from the Enigma song, and by googling it's subject matter, find the original hymn upon which all these songs are based. It's a sanskrit hymn praising Lakshmi, goddess of wealth, and it goes like this:

वन्दे पद्मकरां प्रसन्नवदनां सौभाग्यदां भाग्यदां
हस्ताभ्यां अभयप्रदां मणिगणैर्नानाविधैर्भूषिताम् ।
भक्ताभीष्टफलप्रदां हरिहरब्रह्मादिभिः सेवितां
पार्श्वे पंकजशंखपद्मनिधिभिर्युक्तां सदा शक्तिभिः ॥

vande padmakarāṃ prasanna-vadanāṃ saubhāgyadāṃ bhāgyadāṃ
hastābhyāṃ abhaya-pradāṃ maṇi-gaṇair-nānā-vidhair-bhūṣhitām।h ।
bhaktābhīṣhṭa-phalapradāṃ hari-hara-brahmādibhiḥ sevitāṃ
pārśhve pa~Nkaja-śhaṃkha-padma-nidhibhir-yuktāṃ sadā śhaktibhiḥ

Which means:

I bow to the one who has lotus in her hand, has a pleasant happy face, who gives good fortune and destiny, gives refuge (fearlessness) with her hand (posture), who is adorned with lots of gems and other ways, who gives the very much desired fruits to the devotees, is attended upon by viShNu, shiva, brahmA and others, behind whom are lotus, conch and other opulence and who is always with power.

If you want a more thorough analysis of the sanskrit words, you can go here.

"Shibumi" uses just parts of the hymn, and it's exact lyrics would be:

Sadā śhaktibhiḥ śhaktibhiḥ pārśhve pa~Nkaja-śhaṃkha-padma-nidhibhir-yuktāṃ sadā pārśhve sadā śhaktibhiḥ sadā pārśhve sadā śhaktibhiḥ.

Hopefully this will now turn up on google, so people in the future who are looking for the lyrics of this song will find it (edit: a quick try shows that indeed, it does!). Just in case:

Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium
Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics Amethystium Shibumi Lyrics.

Peace out! /Ola

Snyggaste filmaffischerna 2011

2011-12-31T01:47:00.018+01:00

Jag hade tänkt skriva div. pretentiösa utläggningar om det gånga året, jag hade tänkt skriva om de bästa filmerna jag sett under det gångna året, eller något...men orka. Jag tänker göra något mer awesome och mindre omständigt.

Men först en kort reflektion. I en diskussion på rollspel.nu just ny beskylls jag för att vara sinofil, ha ett bias gentemot amerikansk film till förmån för asiatisk film, etc. Men sanningen är att av cirka 70 filmer jag såg det gånga året, var 3 asiatiska, och en av dessa var en anime, och en annan Shanghai, som knappt räknas som en asiatisk film, den bara utspelar sig där. The Haunted House Project, en riktigt medioker rulle för övrigt, var alltså den enda "riktiga" asiatiska spelfilm som jag såg 2011. (Eller okej, jag borde räkna "The Circle", eftersom den är från Iran, men jag tänkte nog mer på film från östasien). Det är inte så att jag inte fortfarande är intresserad av asiatisk film, det är jag, och det finns maaaassor av asiatiska filmer på min "vill se"-lista, men av någon anledning känns många av dem mer daunting att börja titta på än amerikanska eller europeiska filmer. Jag såg för övrigt massor av europeisk film under året, jag orkar inte räkna exakt, och jag misstänker att det är där min verkliga passion ligger numera. Europeisk, asiatisk eller australiensisk skräckfilm är jag vad känt mig allra mest taggad på i filmväg under det gångna året, och det kommer märkas när jag nu listar de bästa filmaffischerna från filmer jag såg 2011:

Uninhabited
Jag gillar extremt minimalistisk skräckfilm, och det har Uninhabited going för sig. I stort var den väl en besvikelse, inte läskig eller psykologiskt tät nog, men affischen är ett litet mästerverk i kategorin And I Must Scream; jag älskar ångest i paradiset-temat:

(Större bild).
Det är inte ofta en filmaffisch allena får mig att se en film, men den här gjorde det. Hela kompositionen av bilden är perfekt, varenda detalj snygg och fängslande, ner till typsnitt och textplacering. Fucking awesome.

Triangle
är däremot en film som levererar. Plotten är intrikat, och hela alltet välgjort, berörande och tillfredställande. Det här är en psykologisk film som blir bättre ju mindre man vet om den på förhand, så jag ska inte säga mer, men affischen är snygg på samma sätt som Uninhabiteds, om än inte lika perfekt så åtminstone med en noga genomtänkt komposition, och liknande estetik som leker med snygga tjejer, blod och blå himmel.

(Större version).
Det enda jag inte gillar med den här affischen är att det är något med den som ser alldeles för grindhouse ut, kanske speciellt den där röda texten uppe till vänster. Den alternativa affischen är också intressant.

Altitude
Och sen finns det såna här filmaffischer som liksom kör Reign of Fire-paradigmet och liksom tvingar en att se rullen enbart på pur awesome. Altitude är knappast nåt mästerverk, men i skarp kontrast till Reign of Fire så håller den iallafall vad den lovar på filmaffischen, och handlar mer eller mindre de facto om Cthulhu som antastar ett flygplan sexuellt:

(Större version).

Jag har ingen djupare analys här, det är helt enkelt en snygg affisch. Sparsmakad, hotfull, awesome. Taglinen är förstås töntig, men det finns värre varianter...

The Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya
Problemet med att designa en poster till den här filmen var presumably att den, liksom tv-serien, egentligen inte handlar om nånting. Haruhi Suzumiya är slice of life-drama at it's finest, förvisso med en fantasyartad och totalt vansinnig premiss, men den är liksom svår att skildra i bild, jag har iaf ingen aning hur man skulle gjort det vad gäller den här rullens karaktärsdrama runt tidsparadoxer (möjligen något i stil med variantpostern till Triangle ovan?). Jag tror därför det var ett pragmatiskt val att bara ha casten som lutar sig mot en vägg och ser koola ut:

(Större verre).
Men ett lyckat pragmatiskt val; jag tycker väldigt mycket om karaktärsdesignen i Haruhi, färgskalan och ljuset och vinkeln är snygg, och japanska tecken är koola. Men framförallt är det en poster med attityd somehow; de står basically där och tittar uppfordrande på en att gå och se deras film. Om liknande upplägg för affischer till spelfilmer någonsin blir så här bra får ni gärna peka mig till ett exempel; oftast när folk ska stå och posera på spelfilmspostrar ser de bara stela och plastiga ut; liksom.

Let Me In
Filmaffischen är kanske det enda den här rullen gör bättre än originalet (though vissa utländska varianter till originalfilmen var briljanta). De flesta Let Me In-postrar är förvisso mediokra, men den här äger:
(Större verre).
Jag älskar den här bilden; den sätter tonen från boken perfekt, liksom lurar en att det rör sig om nån sorts såsig feelgoodfilm om vänskap, tills man märker den lilla detaljen som är...fel. Karaktärerna är ensamma, hand i hand, i ett ödsligt, kallt snölandskap, i både faktisk och känslomässig bemärkelse. Det enda som är fel är träden; det borde ha varit en backdrop av byggnader snarare, berättelsen är så...urban.

Sennentuntschi
Det är alltid koolt när spelfilmer har tecknade postrar in this day and age, men sen finns det de som går bortom att plocka pluspoäng för att det är udda, och går vidare rakt in i awesomeland:

(Större bild, och tro mig, den här gången är det värt det).

Det händer så mycket på den här affischen och det är så vackert. Jag ska erkänna att jag blev lite besviken, för medan Sennentuntschi definitivt är en riktigt bra film (trailer här), så är den mer av en weird dramathriller, ~~lite~~ Wicker Man typ, än en fantasyfilm, men dess premiss med en magisk docka hade kunnat få en att tro att den är det senare, och det tycks mig som filmaffischen också anspelar på det, den ser helt enkelt sagolik ut, med sina små skuggteater-liknande figurer och gammeldags drömska virvlar. Filmen var alltså inte riktigt vad affischen utlovade...tills man tänker efter, det här är ingen Reign of Fire. Sagodimensionen av filmen finns där, det är mest att den inte faktiskt sker i narrativet så mycket som existerar i bakgrunden i karaktärernas medvetande, och folktron är en viktig aspekt i handlingen (och det går att läsa in fantasyelement om man vill, ett finns där odiskutabelt, resten är...tolkningsfrågor). Affischen eftersträvar inte att luras, utan att belysa och ge credds åt en specifik bit av filmens tematik och inspirationen bakom den, och det gör den fucking grandiost. Sennentuntschi-affischen är inte bara snygg, den förstärker dramat, stämningen och mystiken i filmen den är gjord för, särskilt när man skärskådar de många detaljerna på den, som är små skuggteater-varianter av filmens händelser.

Men vad fan är grejen med den alternativa postern? Det är som om någon tänkte "uhm, hörst du die Menschen...nu när vi gjort die schönsten Film-Poster in der Welt, ska vi inte ta och göra en wirklich widerwärtig und mittelmäßig en som alternativ? De har ju så dålig smak de där amerikanerna, de kanske föredrar en riktigt medioker affisch..."

Jag fattar helt enkelt inte.

Det är också lite synd att jag inte fått mig en bra titt på filmaffischen när jag pratade med regissören, jag hade velat ge honom credds för den snyggaste filmpostern sen Lake Mungo...

Diktatorbingo

2011-03-09T17:37:00.009+01:00

Jag valde att satsa på lågoddsare i vänster-höger-diagonalen, men Lukasjenko ställer förstås till det där (medan Castro obönhörligen kommer kola snart, mot döden hjälper inga nivåer av awesome). Vänster-höger-horisontella raden i mitten är också lågoddsare, utöver då Yahya Jammeh som inte lär ryka nån gång snart. Den översta horisonella linjen är högoddsarna, de här snubbarna kommer sitta i evighet, undantaget Khamenei som är uråldrig. Den näst understa horisontala raden är också högoddsare, featuring despoterna i Saudi, Syrien, Sudan och Laos.
Notera också hur det inte finns en enda kvinna bland världens auktoritära härskare. Betänk också att det finns demokratiskt valda statschefer som är betydligt mindre sympatiska än tillochmed många av de här snubbarna; vad säger det om världen?

Efter en idé av Martin Ackerfors.

Freeeeeeeeedooooom!

2011-01-30T16:42:00.029+01:00

I'm very, nay, extremely, seldom emotionally moved by events in the news. I dunno exactly why, but I guess it has to do with my personality in general; I always want to take a detached, analytic stance to everything, appeal to reason and caution. In part, I'm convinced that this is a good thing; for example, it makes me detest culture-chauvinistic hysteria of various kinds, and I might often have good arguments against such stupidity. On the other hand, it might make me appear inconsiderate or insensitive to others, and I'm not convinced that it, to begin with, stems entirely from positive factors in my subconscious.

Anyhow, I find myself genuinely moved by the ongoing revolution in Egypt. Or, well, it's to early to tell if it's really a revolution, but I really really hope it is. (Not lame-ass reform, we want to see revolution here). I dunno why. It probably has something to do with the fact that I studied islamology last fall, giving me many further insights into (and feelings for) the muslim world, past and present. Also, it began on my birthday ^_^

Maybe I'm fed up with that particular modern type of dictator that Mubarak represents; the pseudo-democratic. The world is filled with psychotic bastards who hide behind a façade of democracy (This guy is a good example), and they get nowhere near the same amount of shit from the West as more honest tyrants do. The US, fucktards that they are, have often been known to ally with them to various degrees, something they'd never do with Kim Jong-Il or the junta in Myanmar, just because of the shitstorm they'd get if they did. If you just pretend to be democratic, it'll work fine though, and you can basically reign supreme and abuse your subjects for 30 years without anyone noticing...

Do western countries, or the democratic world for that matter, now call for Mubarak to resign? No they don't. They whine a little about "listening to the people", or at the very best, call for reform. If any single country have officially taken the Egyptian people's side in all this, please point it out to me; I sure can't find it.

And the Egyptian people's side is quite clear by now. They want their asshole president-for-life to step down. It's not too much to ask, after 30 years of blatant abuse of power. But oh, nooo! Mubarak is to important to the security in the middle east! Islamists could take over! (As if. And I'd love to see the reaction from Israel in the unlikely event that they did).

(I, of course, use the term "people" somewhat vaguely here. There are, of course, supporters of Mubarak in Egypt, it's not like everyone hates his guts (those in power always need the support of a clique). But it's significant enough how many that does, and the sheer magnitud of their frustration and anger).

His people fucking want him gone. By not openly and honestly supporting them, the "democratic" world has yet again shown its true colors (something in distinct shades of brown and blue). I am well aware of Egypt's importance in global and regional affairs (that's partly why I feel more for these events than I do for Tunisia), and yes, of course there are political issues to considered, but it was we, the west, that fucked the world up to begin with, and it should therefore be our fucking responsibility to do all we can to fix it.

Just imagine if TV had subtitles that told you what stuff was really about, beneath the continental crust-thick layers of bullshit:

The next video is something I'm gonna post here because I think everyone (and their grandmother) should see it. I'm getting a bit heart-tugged by the bearded guy who angrily, passionately and tearfully shouts: "We will not be silenced! Whether you're christian, whether you're muslim, whether you're an atheist, you will demand your goddamn rights, and we will have our rights, one way or the other! We will never be silenced!"

Could the quote of the year be here already?

Top Ten Most Bloated (and Awesome!) Military Stuff Ever

2010-12-02T15:57:00.030+01:00

As we'll later learn from this post, the one who invests the most in military technology and tools almost always wins. Yet, once this paradigm is adopted, it can easily go waaay to far. A prime example of this was the nazis, who were so overly enthusiastic about superweapons that they even gave birth to the nazi super science-trope. And that's really the whole point, fuck strategic and economic considerations; superweapons are awesome. I give you - the most blatantly bloated, advanced and pricey (often vastly overrated, sometimes actually rather efficient) military stuff in history:

10. The Maginot Line

Like basically everyone else, the french managed to die a whole lot in World War 1. Actually, they died so much that the whole country got a manpower shortage in the decades to come. This was seen as a strategic problem, for the french were not stupid - they realized that Germany would come back with a vengeance. Oh, wait, they might have been stupid after all, given how they choose to mitigate this problem. The defense minister André Maginot got the "great" idea to build a giant line, several kilometers deep, of fortresses, turrets, artillery, tank stops and stuff along the borders to Germany and Italy. This would allow the relatively small french army to withstand an attack, and buy time to draft older men into the army. In practice, it might have been one of the dumbest investments in history, as a): static defenses would turn out to be rather worthless with the new doctrines and technologies, b) the line didn't cover the border to fucking Belgium. You all know what happend next.

So, was the maginot line awesome? Well, a bit I guess. Expensive; definitely. Bloated? God yes.

9. M50 Ontos

This is a tank destroyer that was used in the Vietnam War. The US Army originally decided it was too absurd to be built, and cancelled the order. This was after firing all the guns at once during prototype testing knocked bricks out of nearby walls. The Marine Corps, though, realized this tool was to cool not to have, and ordered 297 of them. They apparently turned out to be rather useful during the war, even though they were used for infantry support rather than their original puporse (tank-raping), but the awesome design did have some disadvantages of course, otherwise it couldn't justifiably be called "bloated" - in this case, the thing had to be loaded from the outside, making the crew vulnerable to snipers.

So why was it awesome? Just look at it. It had not one, not two, not three...not four...not five...but six 106 mm recoilless rifles. Lest you not be confused by the word "rifle" here, we're talking about stuff so big that stuff a third of its size has to be mounted on turrents and wheels when infantry use it (for example the Bofors 37 mm). And again; six of them.

8. Schwerer Gustav

Ok, if the french has the Maginot Line, the germans needs something to blast their way through it with, right? That's where this baby came in. Except, the nazis didn't actually need to blast through the Maginot Line, as they could just walk around it. So yes; unnecessary technology; check.

The Schwerer Gustav was a gun so absurdly big that it had to be mounted on a train. The various european powers had constructed such cannons before, so of course the nazis, true to form, had to beat them all. The result was the largest calibre rifled weapon in history ever to see actual combat. On the receiving end was, of course, the poor, poor russians. We're talking shells this big. And still, for all its awesomeness, Schwerer Gustav was only actually used during the Siege of Sevastopol, spending the rest of the war being moved back and forth to places where someone thought it could be of use, yet it never was. I can imagine the talk at headquarters:

"Ok, so where do we need the absurdly gigantic railway gun?"
"Err...I dunno...maybe you can blast Leningrad with it?"
"When we managed to actually get it there, the siege would be long over"
"Oh, alright...use it against Stalingrad then?"
"Isn't that a wee bit overkill? We don't need that kind of firepower there"
"But...but...it's....awesome".

7. Lun-class Ekranoplan

Next to the nazis in terms of superweapon fetisch, the soviets put their vast resource base to good use in constructing some of the wierdest shit ever. Ekranoplans are pretty bizzare to begin with, being "flying boats" somewhere halfway between a hovercraft and an aircraft, vehicles that uses the so-called ground effect to basically float a few meters above the ground. That's awesome by itself, but the MD-160, the only Lun-class Ekranoplan actually built, was also very large (73 m, rivalling modern jumbo jets) and equipped with six missile launchers, pretty much silos really, carrying these babies for ground attacks. It's still around; rotting away in a town at the Caspian shores that's bleak, run-down and god-forsaken in that particularly depressing way only post-sovietic stuff can be. It's not pretty, but still, one really should look at these pictures (and this video, it appears about 4:40 minutes in) just to realize the awesome. A huge object similar to it was spotted in the Caspian Sea area by US reconaissance sattelites in the 60's and dubbed "The Caspian Sea Monster", but it seems they could never find out exactly what it was, making for some intriguing and awesome possibilities.

6. Timurid War Elephants

In 1398, When Tamerlane went, very literally, medieval* on the Sultanate of Delhi, he captured a host of indian war elephants that he seems to have appreciated to an almost fetischistic degree. Tamerlane had already combined horse archers, siege artillery and heavy tarkhan cavalry into steppe warfare's grande finale in history, so naturally, he just had to add the only thing (except chariots) that was missing among the most awesome stuff of pre-modern war. Accordingly, he had the elephants dragged all the way back to Samarkand, and later deployed them in the epic Battle of Angora against the Ottoman Turks and their sultan Bayazid, together with Tamerlane considered the greatest general of the age. Historians seem to disagree about how many the elephants were (but it's known that Tamerlane's army faced and defeated about a hundred elephants when they invaded Delhi) and to what degree they were actually useful in the battle, but that doesn't matter. In any case, the Ottomans were crushed, and how could they not be? They were facing mongol hordes with knights, and cannons, and armored fucking elephants! If not by superior tactics and/or numbers, Tamerlane would still have won on sheer awesome.

*"The killing and wanton destruction that characterized the Delhi campaign may be unsurpassed in history" - Vernon O. Egger

5. The Great Wall of China

The Great Wall had its origins in several different systems of defensive earthen walls between the Warring States of antiquity. Once the king of Qin had defeated the other states, he declared himself emperor and embarked on extending and joining together the different walls into a single, giant one. The human toil and misery this caused in the laborers became stuff of legends in China, and later chronicles echoes with hatred against the Qin emperor. A common myth is that the bones of dead builders became filling stuff in the Great Wall. More than a thousand years later, the wall had fallen into ruin and was barely a heap of earth, and was reconstruced by the Ming dynasty, in stone and brick, but spanning over a somewhat different area than the original wall. Both incarnations of the wall were of absolutely epic lengths and is generally considered among the greatest achievements of human civilisation, yet it can be debated how effective they were. The traditional view is that the walls were built to ward off the barbarians of the northern steppes; if that's the case, they were epic fail. While they might have discouraged lesser war bands, China has been successfully invaded by nomads from the north so many times it's almost absurd - Xiongnu, Jurchens, Tanguts, Mongols, Khitans, Turks, the list goes on and on. The wall thus stand solidly on the list of the most worthless defensive structures ever built.

A less common but interesting viewpoint is the theory that the wall were never intended to keep barbarians out, but the chinese in. With this line of reasoning, the idea is that the ruler's wanted to keep the peasant population of China from getting dangerous influences and ideas from the nomadic population of the steppes. Restrictions on free mobility has been a common feature in despotic regimes throughout history, so it's an interesting possibilty.

In any case, the wall is the very definition of epic, expensive, bloated, and awesome.

4. Korean Turtle Ships

The Turtle Ships were used by the Korean navy from the 15th century, and are especially known for their role in the Imjin War with Japan, where japanese warlord Hideyoshi tried to use Korea as a launching board for an epic assault on China. He failed.

Some role in his failure played this ship design, supposedly perfected by legendary korean admiral Yi Sun-sin. The whole design stemmed from the idea that, by covering the deck of the ship with walls and a roof, the enemy wouldn't be able to board it, but the awesomeness was soon increased by gunpowder; Yi Sun-sins ships had five different types of cannons, one of which was hidden in a dragon head at the bow, spewing fire from its mouth. Another variant of the dragon's head could launch a cloud of toxic smoke created from a mixture of sulphur and salpeter. Tradition has it that the turtle ships were iron-plated, but the evidence for this is weak, though they did have a shitload of iron spikes to further discourage boarding.

Yi's ships were intended as close-assault vessels; using sails and/or oars, they would speed towards the enemy ship, ramming it, and unleash a broadside of cannon shots at close range. Korean commander's especially favored targeting the enemy's command ship with this tactic; the Turtle Ships' resilience allowed them to plow through an enemy fleet straight for the command ship, and upon sinking this, would severely damage the enemy's morale.

Unlike most of the stuff on this list, Turtle Ships were actually really useful. Still, they were apparently exotic, advanced and awesome enough to become stuff of legends.

3. Tsar Bomba

Tsar Bomba is the nickname for AN602, a hydrogen bomb that the Soviet Union detonated in Novaya Zemlya archipelago in 1961. As the russians really liked big stuff, it was originally designed to have a payload of 100 megatons of TNT, which eventually had to be reduced to half once they realized that the fallout from the explosion would be a bit much too handle. To put this into perspective: the bomb actually detonated was still the most physically powerful device ever utilized by mankind, and shattered windows in Finland. The blast could have caused third-degree burns a hundred kilometers away, the mushroom cloud was seven times the height of Mt Everest, and the seismic shock from the blast could be measured even on its third passage around the earth. Getting the plane that dropped the bomb away in time not to be destroyed by the shockwave was actually an issue.

The Tsar Bomba was the culmination of a paradigm where precise bomb targeting was not assured, and bomb blasts accordingly should be large enough to destroy a target even if dropped five to ten kilometers away. The development of more precise ICBMs would soon make this paradigm obsolete, but even before that, Tsar Bomba might have been overdoing it just a little. At 1,4% the energy output of the sun.

2. The Cannon That Destroyed Byzantium

Absurdly huge bombards, great cannons designed to shatter walls, were very much in vogue in the 15th century. Especially enthusiastic about such stuff was the "Gunpowder Empires", one of which was the Ottoman Turks. In 1452, they stood ready to conquer Constantinople, something they had a history of failing with - despite that they had taken all surrounding lands, the city itself had defied them for a century. Constantinople's walls were stuff of legends, and it seemed they simply couldn't be breached.

At this time lived a little hungarian gunsmith called Orban. He had thought up a design for the biggest, baddest cannon the world had yet seen, and presented the idea for the emperor in Constantinople, who quickly decided he could neither afford nor needed such a thing.

Not very discouraged, Orban instead went to the turks, claiming that his cannon could "Blast the walls of Babylon itself". The sultan was all like: "Sure, but...can you make it...bigger?"

Forever proving that bigger is better and that military investment pays off, the Ottomans employed Orban and had him construct a cannon so absurdly big that 60 oxen had to drag it to Constantinople, where it blasted the epic walls to bits. The thousand year old Roman Empire thus came to an end, and while the Ottoman fascination for big fucking guns continued well into the 19th century, when they used the then ancient Dardanelles Gun to take a shot at a british fleet, Orban himself died a karmic death when one of his superguns exploded.

(No picture of the cannon remains; depicted is the russian Tsar Cannon, which is another gigantic bombard. Note the girl in the lower right corner for scale).

1. Battleship Yamato

Battleships were, in essence, gigantic floating platforms with equally gigantic guns that could be fired simultaneously, backed up by a vast host of smaller guns, mines, torpedoes, etc. Add to this the nice bow shape and sleek yet brutal look of a really large ship, a small nations' steel production's worth of armour, a couple of catapult-launched seaplanes and a crew counted in the thousands, and we have the closest to a Star Destroyer that humanity has gotten thus far. The faith in and prestige associated with battleships were immense in the early 20th century, despite the absurd amounts of time, cash and manpower that had to be invested in order to build even a single one. Yet, despite all this, and despite their sheer awesomeness, historians argue that battleships were never really useful; everything they could do, smaller ships and airplanes could do much more cost-efficiently. This view is further strengthened by the fact that there only was two real confrontations between battleships ever; the Battle of Tsushima and the Battle of Jutland. Battleships never accomplished much, other than wasting steel, lives, and money.

So yes, they were both unneccessary and overrated, a money-sink of epic proportions. And the most egregious of them all was the Yamato, the pride and flagship of Japan. She and her sister ship Musashi was designed with the philosophy that, as the americans had more than a 3:1 advantage on the japanese in number of battleships, Japan simply had to build two huge enough to compensate for that all by themselves. That's the spirit of awesome!

Yamato was pathetically sunk by american aircraft in 1945, and only got to fire her absurdly huge cannons on surface targets one single time. Yet, german battleship Bismarcks brutal destruction of british battlecruiser Hood a few years before had demonstrated what a battleship could do, and Yamato was bigger, better, and stronger than her. While the American Iowa-class of battleships was almost as large and much more technically advanced, the Yamato class was much heavier, and had 46 cm main guns, compared to Iowas puny 40 cm. With a great name, epic size and looks, and the biggest fucking guns ever mounted on a ship, Yamato stands out as the king of all battleships, and battleships were in themselves the epitome of expensive, advanced and uneccessary, being so awesome that they crossed the spectrum from worthless to great and all the way back to worthless. This gives them a firm place in history among the coolest of humanity's achievements.

Top Six Best Dance Scenes

2010-01-09T06:31:00.011+01:00

Why top six? I dunno. Maybe I couldn't be bothered with more, as I've got to go to sleep and read an obscenely huge manga about autism? Or you could call it a really lame pun. It'll make sense if you translate it into swedish and think long and hard about the Death Proof-scene, at least if you're male and remotely heterosexual (or lesbian and really gay, what do I know?). Whatever. Let's do it!

6. Bizarre Japanese Tap Dance (Zatoichi)

Why? Dear god, why? I'm trying to picture to myself what Takeshi Kitano might have been thinking when he choose to end a movie this way, but no, I've got nothing. I can't really decide if this scene is awesome or awful, but no matter, no list of dances in films would be worth its salt if it didn't include this one.

5. Morticia & Gomez (Addams Family Values)

This copule has chemistry like no other. It's sexy, classy, and cool. Oh, and you gotta be impressed by the flames.

4. The Lap Dance (Death Proof)

Oh, sorry, I'm just gonna go fight a sudden urge to masturbate 'til I faint. Be right back.

3. Ballroom Dance (Beauty and the Beast)

Even if we ignore the fact that this scene broke ground as computer animation goes, it's still a masterpiece of mood, elegance and general visuals, and likely to trigger massive nostalgia-buttons for anyone in my general age group. The song is actually much better in the swedish dub, though, so I've chosen to link to that version.

2. Chunari, Chunari (Monsoon Wedding)

The indian civilisation achieved what will some day be generally recognized as the foremost musical culture in human history. This scene is not very spectacular as Bollywood coreography goes, far from it, rather, it's great because of how much goes on in the background, and how the eventual outbreak of mass dance works as a kind of resolution for oh-so-many tensions in the film. There's even a little love conflict begun and resolved during it, all through the wonder of SPONTANEOUS INDIAN MASS DANCE!!!

1. Beauty Dance (House of Flying Daggers)

Like India is probably the pinnacle of musical culture, the Tang dynasty of China was probably the pinnacle of civilisation in general - it's all been downhill from there. Of course, this shouldn't really make them beat India in a list of this particular kind, despite the sheer gourgeousness of the clothes and the accessories and the room and the floor and every little visual detail, not even with a song as beautiful as this (it's 'Jia rén qu', composed in antiquity by Li Yannian); India would still beat all the chinese could muster as dance scenes go.

You can leave it to Zhang Yimou to fix that particular shortcoming, though.

Rollspelsmonstren som Piruett glömde

2009-12-30T05:20:00.068+01:00

Piruett har en lista med de 10 coolaste monstren i den svenska rollspelshistorien. Och visst, många där är helt spot on, men jag tyckte också att några...saknades. Framförallt vill jag vidhålla att Eon har koolare monster än DoD6 rent generellt, så jag ser inte vad tex runstenstrollet gör på listan, när inte ett enda Eonmonster är med. Jag tänker inte göra en helt ny lista, Piruetts är så pass bra, bara påpeka några jag tycker borde ha fått vara med.

Panthera (i Monster och Varelser samt Monster i Mundana)

"I början av vintern omkring oktober månad har pantherorna vilda parningsriter då flera flockar samlas i de nordliga, snötäckta vildmarkerna. Hannarna försöker locka över honor till sin flock genom vilda uppvisningsstrider. Det är även chansen för utstötta hannar att återvända och kämpa om en plats som flockledare. Vinternatten fylls av pantherornas skärande skrik och skenet från deras blågröna eldkvastar. De som lever i de nordliga ödemarkerna vet bäst i att hålla sig undan dessa nätter".

Okej, den är kalydonen fast ett kattdjur, som vi tidigare etablerat som den mest awesome av alla djurfamiljer, den är blodtörstig, liger-stor, jagar i flock, och har extremt brutala stats (såsom relativt psy 14, vilket basically gör den till Eons smartaste djur). Pantherorna fyller därför naturligt den här obligatoriska rollen som saker att slänga in när rollisarna blivit för bra och behöver tas ned på jorden (för tro mig, det händer även i Eon). Deras eld kommer från körtlar med en särskild vätska som blir settingens mest exklusiva parfym, vilket i sig är koolt. Lägg sedan till att pantheran är den enda varelse i hela Mundana som då och då käkar drakar till frukost, så har vi epic win.

(Eons drakar är i sig, som bekant kanske, något...über).

Hyggelmonster (i Eon III, Monster och Varelser samt Monster i Mundana)

Eons signaturmonster. En absurt aggressiv hjärndöd huvudfoting som lagrar resterna av sina offer i sitt skålformade innanmäte, vars frätande magsaft stänker ut ur käften när den springer. Det har kallats "rollspelshobbyns fulaste, töntigaste och i särklass mest ansträngda fantasymonster", vilket onekligen måste innebära att det är skitkoolt.

Jag låter dess look tala för sig själv.

Dödskerub (i Monsterboxen)

"Dödskeruberna ser ut som små människobarn, tre till sex år gamla, med ruttnande kött löst hängande på skelett av elfeben. De har rostiga vingar, gnisslande av järnfjäll. I vår mänskliga värld uppträder dödskeruberna vilset och förvirrat, ständigt gråtande och klagande. De är köttätare och kan i sin förtvivlan och vilsenhet anfalla allt som rör sig med sina stora klor och huggtänder av järn".

Att de här inte var med på Piruetts lista var faen kriminellt.

Svart Enhörning (i Monsterboxen)

"Somliga menar att de svarta enhörningarna är själarna av vanliga enhörningar som gått en våldsam död till mötes. Deras ondska skulle isåfall förklaras med att de är hämndlystna, Svarta enhörningar kan endast 'charmas' av manliga magiker med svarta sinnen".

"Den svarta enhörningen är identisk till formen (med en vanlig enhörning, Olas anm.), men den framträder för det mäskliga ögat bara som en massiv kolsvart skugga, en knappt genomskinlig ande".

Visst, andra har försökt få till mer originella 'onda' hästar, typ Eons seian, och visst, de funkar de med, men ibland är det kanske bättre att bara göra det lätt för sig. Svart enhörning. Så simpelt, såå koolt.

Och så har vi Kaoskardinal (i Monsterboxen)

Well, monstret i sig är kanske inte jätteawesome, posen till trots, men alltså, namnet...Kaoskardinal. Kaoskardinal. Mothafuckin' KAOSKARDINAL! Frukta.

Domherre (i Zonernas Zoologi)

Ni vet den här känslan av att ett trivialt jävla smådjur (den sorten som annars liksom bara intresserar avdankade tjocka tanter med fågelbad i trädgården) har ett oförtjänt häftigt namn? Monstret som uppstod ur denna känsla är det lyckliga resultatet av att man bejakat en naturlig nörddrift att få djuret att göra skäl för namnet, och voíla. Awesomeness ensues.

Drömfurstarna i Kult var också små mästerverk. Dunno om de kvalar in, dock.

Bokrecension: Jenny

2009-10-19T23:22:00.007+02:00

ÅNGEST

Tamerlane!!!

2009-09-23T18:55:00.024+02:00

Och på tal om inget, fatta the awesomeness som är den här statyn. Uzbekerna förstår sig på konst, uppenbarligen. Kan vi inte bara välta alla fula jävla statyer av osexiga kungar och poänglösa kulturpersonligheter, och göra som uzbekerna och smälla upp tyranniska medeltida massmördare i jätteformat överallt? En fem meter hög Karl Knutsson Bonde i betong på Stortorget, det vore nåt. En Ingjald Illråde-byst i Riksdagshuset...

Fast visst, vi saknar såna där riktigt fina tyrannical splendor-kungar, som rövknullar världen samtidigt som de tuggar på mattor och drägglar - och dessutom somehow lyckas vara kulturmecenater samtidigt. Vi har förvisso en rätt bra Caligula, Erik XIV, men Caligulas är patetiska...vi kan överhuvudtaget inte tävla med Östeuropa och Centralasien när det kommer till Magnificent Bastards. (Vi kan inte ens tävla med Grekland, fan...)

Och Timur är liksom sannolikt the greatest of them all.

Att vakna på fel sida

2009-09-23T17:38:00.007+02:00

Jag känner att det verkligen är dags för nån form av uppdatering, även om jag egentligen inte har något vettigt att komma med.

Jag skulle tvättat idag; det blev inte så, för jag sov :/ Jag fattar inte -varför- jag inte lyckades vakna, givet att jag gick och lade mig i relativt kristlig tid, men men...*suck*. Nu får jag ingen tvättid på flera dagar, utom i morgon morgon, och då måste jag verkligen sova. wee. Jag som verkligen, verkligen behövde tvätta.

Jag skulle behövt gå till banken och sälja teckningsrättigheter på swebank-aktier också, men det kan jag lika gärna göra imorrn, så det är ingen biggie...det kommer nog ge mig runt 1800 spänn iaf, det är rätt schysst, fatta så länge jag kan leva på det...jag får rentav råd med nya Blade of the Immortal-albumet :D :D :D

Sedan skulle jag gått på en föreläsning om antik vattenteknik med Örjan Wikander, en fantastisk forskare...och därefter på arkeologpub med Lukas. Men så blev det inte heller, för eftersom jag vaknat på totalt fel sida förmådde jag bara inte uppbringa nån form av lust till nåt så socialt. Och nu sitter jag såklart och har dåligt samvete över det, eftersom jag alltid, alltid känner att jag borde komma ut mera.

Men, det finns bra saker också. Jag har kommit på en fantastisk idé till en roman, som jag kanske kommer berätta om senare...i vilket fall brinner jag så av inspiration att jag kanske rentav deltar i NaNoWriMo. Det hänger helt på om...

jag kommit nån vart på min C-uppsats då eller ej. Och den enorma brist på entusiasm jag tidigare kände inför uppsatsskrivandet har liksom blåst iväg; jag vill göra det här, jag kan göra det här.

Men jag måste fortfarande komma på ett ämne. Det är lite drygt. Jag har till måndag på mig. Jag tänker i banorna om att jag vill jobba antingen med mesoamerikanska indiancivilisationer (min nya fetisch), primärt aztekerna, eller med medeltida diktning/sångtexter (gammal fetisch), kanske Walter von der Vogelweides samlade verk tex. De är awesome.

Men jag har ingen som helst solid idé på teori/metod/angreppsvinkel. det har jag på andra ämnen, jag kläckte tex en asbra idé på att undersöka hur synen på Hernán Cortéz förändrats i Mexikos nationsbyggandeprocess, hur han liksom gått från hjälte till skurk. Eventuellt kunde man dessutom relatera det till hur Uzbekistan upphöjt Timur Lenk från folkmördare till nationalhjälte. Det kunde vara jätteintressant...

förutsatt att jag hade någon lust att jobba om det. :-/

Timur Lenk är alltid het förstås, och det är ett annat problem...en del av mig känner att jag borde skita i Mesoamerika och medeltiden, och göra något som rör Centralasien eller Kina, eftersom det ändå är vad jag vill inrikta min (väldigt) hypotetiska akademiska karriär på. Jag ska nog åtminstone undersöka om det finns något ogjort i mitt gamla favoritfält fotlindning, för liksom, att lååångsamt och plågsamt krossa fötterna på små, små flickor blir aldrig ute...

Important people in world history

2009-08-10T03:43:00.010+02:00

I played Through the Ages with a few friends yesterday. It's a very good boardgame, although it's a little bit too abstract and mathematical for my taste, I much prefer more visual and straightforward, but still strategic, games like A Game of Thrones and the godawesome Twilight Imperium.

Still, Through the Ages is fun, but there's something that irks me severely. And I know I'm likely the only person in the world or so that gets disturbed by stuff like this, but this is my blogg, and thus I'll complain as much as I could ever want.

Through the Ages is so damn eurocentric. It's about building a lasting civilisation, from antiquity to modern times, and surpassing all other civilisations in terms of cultural dominance. To achieve this, you can use a lot of different cards like buildings, strategies, and so forth, and there's leader cards that feature historically important persons that aids your civilisation.

And almost everyone is european, and the selection of persons is generally dull and predictable. we have, for example, Aristoteles, Platon, Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Isaac Newton, Barbarossa, Jeanne D'Arc, Winston Churchill (man what?), William Shakespeare...the few non-european choices that I remember are Hammurabi, Ghandi and Chinggis Khan.

So, I'm gonna, just for fun, put together a better list of suitable leaders for a game like this. A good leader should be both a colorful person, and one of considerable historical importance. In the latter aspect, I would say that both Churchill and Jeanne D'Arc fail, for example - they were important all right, but not spectacularly so. The choices should also be varied; both Jesus, Buddha and Confucius was extremely influental people of the ancient world, but having all three in a game with only about four-five leaders in each era would be kinda...boring. Actually, variety is what I'll pay the most attention to, both in regards to the skills and ethnicites of the candidates:

I would suggest:

Antiquity:
Cyrus the Great - the first ruler of a big, multicultural empire, and the one who invented the structure upon which many later empires were built.
Aristoteles is already in the game, and was a good choice, his ideas were fundamental for later thinking both in Europe and the Islamic world.
Augustus was much more important than the more famous Julius Caesar. Augustus laid the foundation for much of the Roman empire's achievements, which would have a lasting and utterly enormous influence on western history and culture.
Imhotep was a polymath (poet, chancellor, engineer, architect, physicist) during Egypt's third dynasty. So awesome was he, that he was elevated to godhood and worshipped as god of medicine and healing for thousands of years.
Buddha or Confucius could represent eastern civilisations and their ideas and thoughts. Qin Shi Huang, the first emperor of China, was also extremely important; he founded an imperial structure that lasted for two thousand years. His indian counterpart would be Ashoka the Great. Another asian that is generally considered to have been among the most influental people ever to have lived is Cai Lun, although he's not that spectacular as a person, it's more about a little thing: he invented paper. Still, he ranks a fuckin' seven on Hart's famous list of History's Most Influental People.

Medieval times:
Muhammed is number #1 on Harts list, I choice I would agree with. He founded both a major world religion and a major world empire, no one else has ever done that.
Avicenna or Averroes should represent islamic philosophy and science. While Averroes has been called 'the father of secular thought in Europe', Avicenna discovered the contagious nature of diseases, the concept of momentum in physices, and an almost improbable range of other important stuff.
Chinggis Khan and his successors conquered almost the entire world, which should speak for itself, really. I personally would attribute a lot of the mongol's successes to Chinggis' chief strategist Subotaï though, who outlived him for many years. Contrary to popular belief, Chinggis was long since dead when the mongol empire reached its greatest extent; his successor's achieved that partly due to the genius of Subotaï.
As for Europe, it is true that the middle ages have an undeservedly bad reputation, but it's likewise true that asian civilisations were much more awesome than european ones during this time. Still, if one feel the absolute need to include any european (for which, really, Averroes should otherwise suffice as he was from muslim Andalusia), I'd spontaneously vote for Charlemagne, who founded the Holy Roman Empire and unified Europe. I'm open for other suggestions though, just put a comment in.

There's not many, if any, artists that have been influental on history as a whole. Still, one or two should be included in a game like this, as it really is about cultural dominance. For the Middle Ages, I'd suggest Dante or Guillaume de Machaut, as I like them so much, but it's probably best to save the artist for the next era:

Early modern times:
I can almost only think of europeans here :/
Leonardo da Vinci was a colorful figure, as was Michelangelo. Neither of them was that influental, really, but we need some artist. The original game has Shakespeare, which is probably a better choice really, I'm just so fucking tired of him.
Isaac Newton is also in the original game, and deservedly so.
Vasco da Gama or Magellan would be better and more colorful representants for the age of discovery than Columbus, who's in the original game. Henry the Navigator or Zheng He would be more unusual but interesting choices, but the latter was medieval, really.
Lorenzo the Magnificent ruled Florence for a great part of the early renaissance, and was a very important patron of the arts and sciences.
As for the compulsory military leader, well...maybe Peter the Great? Shaka Zulu was certainly not very important in the larger perspective, but an interesting and capable person nonetheless.

Modern times:
The original game has Tesla (well, its a czech game), Churchill, Ghandi, Einstein I think, and a nameless 'Game designer'. I'd go with:
Simon Bolivar, the founding father of several latin american countries.
Cecil Rhodes, to represent capitalism and imperialistic thought.
Karl Marx was certainly very influental, but Lenin makes a better leader. I'd go for Mao though, as we want more non-europeans in the game. On the other hand, maybe Bolivar covers the 'charismatic leader/visionary'-part already, let's try something else:
As scientists/philosophers go, maybe Darwin or Freud? Louis Pasteur ranks very, very high on Hart's list, he could also be a good choice, but we already have a doctor, Avicenna, in the list.
Anyhow, last but not least, the game designer slot: Gary Gygax, the father of D&D, is the obvious choice here, as he've had a tremendous impact on gaming of all kinds, and thus nerd culture as a whole.

What about women?
Well, there's really a severe lack of women that have been influental on history as a whole. Still, the game should try to squeeze in at least one or two, I think, as I've already made many choices more based on ethnicity/variety/coolness than actual historical importance. A few suggestions:

Enheduanna, first writer known by name, priestess in Ur.
Nefertiti, queen of Egypt; a bust of her is thought to have influenced western standards of beauty, and she seems to have been co-regent with her husband Akhenaten, who might have been an alien too boot ;-D
Wu Zetian, the only empress regnant of China.
Fatimah, daughter of Muhammed.
Anna Komnena, byzantine princess of Byzantium :-), and one of the first female historians.
Aliénor of Aquitaine, one of the most powerful women in medieval Europe.
Töregene, de-facto ruler of the Mongol Empire for a few years.
Two influental nuns were Hildegard of Bingen and Teresa of Ávila, the former a multi-talented scholar and composer, the latter a mystic and writer.
Isabella I of Castille is on Hart's list.
La Malinche, an amerindian mistress of Hernán Cortéz who aided in the downfall of Mesoamerican civilisation.
Maria Theresia, Holy Roman empress, a 'key figure in the politics of 18th century Europe'.
In the 18th and 19th century, there's lots of female writers and/or thinkers like Mary Wollstonecraft.
In the 20th century, there's Golda Meir, the 'iron lady of Israel', Indira Ghandi, and others. As female scientists go, we've got Marie Curie, Marija Gimbutas (sorry, I couldn't help myself)...

Well. That's it. I'm open for other suggestions.

/Ola, bored now

Asians: A Case Study

2009-07-03T04:04:00.016+02:00

A friend of mine, Alva actually, claim that she thinks grown-up asian women (at least those commonly seen on film and in photography) look like children. It occured to me that I should try to disprove that somewhat by a simple case study. Let's look at, for example, Zhou Xun, who might still be one of the most child-like adult humans currently alive:

Zhou Xun (grownup version):

Zhou Xun (child version):

While there's some similarites, the head-to-shoulders-ratio is vastly greater in the child version, the nose is flatter, the jawline rounder, and the cheeks more puffy. There's quite a difference here.

Also, while Li Xiaolu might be destined to look like sixteen 'til she's fifty, she has apparently lost some puppy fat after she became, y'know, grownup:

Li Xiaolu (teen version):

Li Xiaolu (adult version):

She actually seem to have lost way too much fat nowadays, but that's another issue entirely. And of course it's her problem and not mine, I'm not gonna judge anyone... I just found her hotter with curves :-/

I will now consider it scientifically proven that asian women does not look like children. At least not asian children. It's still possible that they might look like western children (I'm a fan of Gimbutas after all, and thus inclined toward very...liberal...interpretations of known facts), but I considered it improbable, as it seems I generally find asians attractive, but not children. Still, I guess I might be proven wrong. I'm not sure I would like the implications of that...

Recension: Innan jag dör

2009-06-28T19:17:00.016+02:00

Okej alltså, jag brukar väl hävda att verkligheten överträffar fiktionen, och det är säkert sant ibland, men när vi jämför den självbiografiska "För ett hus av Sten", som jag sågat tidigare, med den rent fiktiva "Innan jag dör" så...eh...nej.

Den här boken lyckas med konststycket att inte vältra sig i ångest trots att den handlar om en sextonårig tjej, Tessa, som är döende i leukemi och försöker få ut det mesta av den lilla tid hon har kvar att leva. Det är klart, den var angstig nog att fortfarande engagera mig, och mot slutet hade jag typ behövt en snuttefilt att gråta i om jag inte haft Nyarlathotep till hands, men helheten är fortfarande mer...jag vet inte, bitterljuv. Den är skriven ur jag-perspektiv, och vilar till stor del, som sådana böcker tenderar att göra, på att Tessa är en genuint bra karaktär; trovärdig, soft, och lätt att tycka om. Hon är mer bitter än lamslagen av dödsångest, med en skön, sardonisk humor som känns väldigt tonårig och en självdistans som känns mer...mogen, vilket skapar en intressant kontrast som gör henne till en underhållande berättare. Hon har skrivit en lista på saker hon vill göra innan hon dör, och plotten handlar i stort om hur hon och hennes bästis försöker uppnå dem, med blandade resultat, samtidigt som hon blir allt sjukare och svagare. På vägen upptäcker hon sort of vad som verkligen är viktigt i livet, med den sorts klarhet man, åtminstone i populärkulturen, bara kan göra när livets slut redan är hotande nära.

Jag läste förvisso en översättning, men den gav intrycket av en mycket välskriven bok. Karaktärerna är intressanta och trovärdiga, ner till perifera bifigurer, plotten känsloladdad och engagerande, sjukdomsförloppet tycks väl researchat, och prosan är enkel men fyndig, med en del intressanta grepp framåt slutet när berättarens medvetande inte riktigt fungerar längre. Det är helt enkelt jävligt bra stuff, som gör precis vad sådana här budget-ångestpocketar ska; en lättsmält och engagerande tear jerker som ändå ger en någon form av bestående intryck. (Och inte vill det försvinna heller, det var flera månader sedan jag läste skitboken, och jag har försökt med såpa och allt, men jag blir fortfarande gråtmild när jag tänker på'n...)

Om jag vore mer genuint litteraturintresserad hade jag nog hållit utkik efter fler böcker av Jenny Downham, det här var visst hennes debutroman. Som det är nu förmår jag knappt ens hålla koll på mina favoritregissörers kommande filmer, så vi får väl se hur det blir med det.

Königsägg

2009-06-18T03:47:00.015+02:00

Okej alltså, jag vet att namnhumor är väldigt dagis, men jag känner ändå starkt att Königsegg borde byta inriktning. Jag låter det vara en öppen fråga vilken sorts bil man förknippar med 'Königsegg', men ja...döm själva.

Koenigsegg CCX:

Mitt förslag på ny produktlinje:Sedan, alltså...om man har ett fint tyskt adelsnamn från medeltiden, med ett grovt och stolt ö-ljud, varför i hela friden börjar man stava det med 'oe' som ett annat anglofilt miffo? De skryter ju tillochmed med sitt ättevapen på bilarna, ffs.

Och hur faen har ett företag som tillverkar, jag tror det var femton bilar om året...råd att köpa Saab? Okej, jag vet att en Königsegg-bil kostar typ 5 fantasiljoner, och att svenska staten av nån anledning tänkte gå in med pengar, och att bilindustrin är i kris, men fortfarande...

Skitsamma. Jag vill mest fråga mig om det överhuvudtaget är moraliskt försvarbart att bara tillverka saker som multimiljonärer har råd att köpa. Jag menar inte att med detta insinuera att bratsen någonsin har haft en moral, men...som god kommunist kan jag kanske känna att företag somehow borde vara skyldiga att bidra till allmännyttan eller iaf nischgrupper som inte enbart definieras av sina enorma bankkonton. Eller nåt.

Ella Bohlin och feminismen

2009-06-11T03:26:00.028+02:00

Det är lite ironiskt. Så fort jag personröstat på Per Gahrton går han ut och meddelar att han aldrig avsåg att bli personröstad på, praktiskt taget - och därtill kläcker han ur sig någonting jag verkligen inte håller med om.

Gahrton menar alltså att Bohlin är ett sorgligt offer för patriarkatet eftersom hon får sin absurt högavlönade post i EU-parlamentet tagen av Alf Svensson. Den för mig okända Louise Persson har en annan uppfattning i frågan, emellertid. Hon menar att Bohlin blev utröstad för att hon är ännu mossigare än Alf Svensson, om nu något sådant överhuvudtaget är möjligt. Alliansfritt Sverige har en tredje teori, som sannolikt ligger närmast sanningen, jag citerar:

"De kristdemokratiska väljarna visade tydligt att de inte vill ha en företrädare som är stockkonservativ men ser ung ut på ytan, utan även en som ser ut att tycka det han tycker, bla. att gudlösheten i Europa är ohållbar - den ständigt bronzade Alf Svensson".

Och well...alltså, Gahrton är inte utan poänger, hela idén att de smått övernaturligt mossiga Kristdemokraterna skulle sätta en (förhållandevis) ung kvinna högst upp på valsedeln kan tyckas bisarr, men precis som resten av högern har de ju gjort sitt bästa för att framstå i en så sympatisk dager som möjligt och sopa sitt partis alla sumpmiffon under mattan. Men att Bohlin skulle varit offer för nån sorts patriarkal komplott och blivit nedröstad enkom för att hon är kvinna, och ung? Ja, det är förstås möjligt, det är KDs väljare vi talar om, men var det inte bäst som skedde i så fall? Ella Bohlin är liksom så illa att jag hade lagt en röst emot henne om jag kunnat.

Hon har valkampanjen igenom lagt allt krut på att anta populistiska och okontroversiella ståndpunkter i frågor jag inte överhuvudtaget kan tänka mig att KDs väljare bryr sig om. Vilken 75-åring kärring ger ett jota för hur mycket horor de har i Nederländerna, liksom? Men mossigheten har krupit igenom, med start i avslöjandet att Bohlin är kreationist, och hennes sanslöst dåliga argumentationer har inte direkt gjort saken bättre. Vi talar här om en person vars parti inte tycker att bögar ska få gifta sig.

Det här klippet var nog hennes absoluta bottennapp:

Här lyckas hon till att börja med skjuta hela sin partiallians i foten genom att anklaga Piratpartiet för att vara för knark och prostitution eftersom de kanske, observera emfasen, går med i den liberala ALDE-gruppen i EU-parlamentet. Noteras kan ju då att KDs buksyskon Folkpartiet och Centern redan sitter i ALDE, och har gjort så i åratal. Själv delar Bohlin partigrupp med de sympatiska herrarna Berlusconi och Sarkozy.

Sedan har vi hela moralpanikbiten då: "Det finns drogliberaler i ALDE! Omfg! Noes! Huu så hemskt!".

Men bäst är hennes paradargument mot prostitution: "Jag tycker inte att prostitution ska vara ett dagligt inslag i samhällsbilden".

Jag vet inte...den svenska sexköpslagen är väl ganska sund, och att exportera den till EU kunde således vara en idé, även om det självfallet aldrig kommer att hända.

Men att ge den uppgiften åt en kvinna som försvarar den lagen på moralistiska grunder...

Jag kan kanske känna att det hade varit lämpligare att, y'know, låta folk som faktiskt förstår den humanitära dimensionen av problemet hantera hela saken.

Det är klart att det behövs mer kvinnor i politiken, men om de är värdekonservativa, moralistiska sumpmiffon kan de gott stanna hemma. Jag vågar inte uttala mig om huruvida feminism överhuvudtaget är förenligt med konservatism, men värdekonservativa är iallafall de sista människorna på jorden jag skulle sätta att driva feministiska frågor. Det skulle möjligtvis vara religiösa fundamentalister då, och Kristdemokraterna är ju inte...tja...alltså...

No hard feelings Gahrton, men du kanske inte ska skrika "misogyni!" i varenda sammanhang där kvinnor blir undanskuffade. Då har vi ju snart en situation där folk som Sarah Palin kan härja with impunity, och det önskar sig ingen av oss.

EU-valet

2009-06-07T18:23:00.014+02:00

Nu har jag röstat. Det var faen inte lätt att välja. Sverige saknar helt partier som är vänster och ändå för EU-integration, för att inte tala om partier som är socialliberala och vänster. Eftersom de frågor jag bryr mig mest om vad just EU anbelangar är ett liberalt och fritt samhälle utan förmyndarpolitik var det ett jävla dilemma - jag kan absolut inte tänka mig Fp och C eftersom de är högersvin, och även Piratpartiet lär utkristallisera sig som ett högerparti med tiden. Visst, de har erbjudits att gå med i Vps grupp GUE-NGL, men lycka till att de kommer göra det, då blir alla deras småborgerliga väljare skitförbannade. Oddsen är snarare att Pp går med i ALDE-gruppen i EU-parlamentet; den har gott om sunda socialliberala partier, men majoriteten är fortfarande obehagliga högerliberaler som Fp och C, och även om ALDE röstar med vänstern i samhällsfrågor brukar de rösta med EUs läskiga och jättelika högerblock i alla ekonomiska ärenden. We can't have that.

Sedan blir det hela ännu jobbigare av att svenska partier har en så oresonlig hållning i fråga om alkoholinförselkvoter och drogpolitik. Inte ett enda parti kan tänka sig att avkriminalisera lätt narkotika, vilket stör mig något enormt. Det skulle möjligtvis vara Piratpartiet, men de vägrar ju ta ställning i några andra frågor än deras kärnfrågor, och det är just varför de inte fick min röst. Jag vågar inte stötta typer som kan ha vilka åsikter som helst i praktiken, och som bara bryr sig om några få saker, hur viktiga de än är. Det är synd, för jag stöttar Pp helhjärtat i upphovsrätts- och patentfrågorna. Men jag kan inte lita på deras kandidater.

Vänsterpartiet är ju mitt standardval, men det känns barockt för mig att fortfarande vara emot EU, som de är, och följaktligen är de ju också tvärt emot alla former av ökad EU-integration. Jag ser ingen realistisk möjlighet att lämna EU-samarbetet, och jag tror på att omfamna det och göra det bästa av det, snarare än att streta emot som en sur gammelkommunist.

That being said, så har ju vänstern helt rätt i att EU är en läskig högerjunta med rötter i kristdemokrater och andra sumpmiffon i Benelux. Men EU är vad vi har, nästan hela Europa är med nu...hoppet står till att förändra EU inifrån. Europa måste stå starkt mot USA, Folkrepubliken Kina, Ryssland...jag tror på EU.

Men jag hade verkligen velat rösta på utpräglade socialliberaler. Tyvärr finns inget sådant parti i Sverige.

Så jag körde en annan approach, och tänkte i termer av vilken enskild person jag allra helst skulle vilja se representera mig i EU. Och då blev valet plötsligt mycket enklare.

Min röst gick till Per Gahrton i Miljöpartiet. Hans parti är det närmaste socialliberaler vi kommer i Sverige, och de är med i det sköna gröna blocket som är fullt av flummon, skäggon och cannabistomtar. Gahrton själv är en erfaren politiker med massor av vettiga och solidariska ståndpunkter som retar etablissemanget, och inte minst - en fin vision för EU. Att han sedan som person är helt bisarr kan jag ta, det är mest charmigt :-P

Det är väl också ett sunt val på det hela taget, givet att växthuseffekten är det enskilt viktigaste frågan i vår tid, och Mp bryr sig mer om den än några andra gör. Trots det så ligger andra frågor mig mer varmt om hjärtat, men man kan väl inte få allt. Alla röster som inte går till Kd, S , M och Sd är potentiellt bra röster; för de går åtminstone till de mer liberala, solidariska och sunda fraktionerna i EU.

Hade jag fått rösta i andra länder hade jag röstat på de occitanska nationalisterna eller Portugals socialliberala commies. Tyvärr får jag inte det. Men jag har satt upp min occitanska flagga på väggen i allafall, det kändes som en lämplig dag att komma till skott med det.

Men tiden får utvisa om jag borde ha röstat på piraterna.

Top Five Best Female TV-Series Characters (of late)

2009-05-13T01:44:00.073+02:00

Originally, this was going to be something of a gender study. It'll still be, in part, but I'm just not in the mood to do anything remotely academic. Just take it for what it is, my Top Five of female characters that are both cool and/or cute, and interesting from a feminist standpoint. I'll argue why with each entry, of course. (Do watch the linked videos; they're good examples of each characters particular awesomeness, but there's slight spoilers in some of them). Thus, here goes:

5. Eirene/Adela (Rome)

While "Rome" was indeed filled with good female characters, maybe even to an unprecedented degree, I found one of the most unassuming ones to be the most interesting. Almost every female role portrait in "Rome" provides an excellent example of how one can do a believable and complex female even in an extremely patriarchal setting, but Eirene was the only one to include a class journey, to boot, with resulting confusion and conflicts. She's also just about the single most sympathetic character in the whole series, which could very well have been a bad thing, as such (female) characters are generally portrayed as weak. And she is weak; a german slave, lost and abused, she spends most of the first season quiet and afraid, huddled in a corner, but she does have dreams, humble as they may be, and in one scene, she's almost about to kill her owner in his sleep because he shattered them.

Later, after her marriage, stuff gets real interesting as she desperately tries to live up to her new and unfamiliar role as a roman housewife, with mixed results. She does find real love, which she much deserved, but in the crapsack world of "Rome", of course, she doesn't get a happy ending.

In a regular tv-series, Eirene would simply have been a completely pointless character; she's almost only there to act as Pullo's love interest, after all. Fortunately, she was in "Rome", whose writers gave her so much personality, feelings and inner and outer conflicts that she became a textbook example of how a good character should be. And she was still only supporting cast. There's a reason "Rome" is the second best tv-series ever.

4. Karen McCluskey (Desperate Housewives)

How often do old women like this one get any screentime at all?. While only a supporting character, she's gotten more and more screentime as the series progresses and viewers realise how awesome she is. (Actually, it even seems like she's getting her own spinoff). She's the complete opposite of Eirene above; confrontational, grumpy, and cool. While she's had her fair share of sorrows in her life, she refuses any form of sympathy almost to the point of foolishness. Eventually, she warms up a little as she befriends various people of the main cast, but she keeps her awesome, sardonic outlook on life, and still doesn't take shit from anyone.

While Mrs McCluskey could easily have fallen into the old "bitter, lonely old woman"-cliché, the writers avoids this by giving her friends, complex feelings and an intriguing and believable personality. And she's a woman of action; when she found her husband of many years dead and discovered that all his possessions were testamented to his first wife, she simply stuffed the asshole in the freezer downstairs so that she could keep cashing in his checks. Her Crowning Moment of Awesome is probably when she's about to scatter her dead friend Ida's ashes on a football field, and suddenly starts reciting this really beautiful poem, only to end it with "let's dump her".

3. Laura Roslin (Battlestar Galactica)

There's only one other series that have as good female characters as "Rome", and that's this one. While Starbuck was absolutely excellent, Laura Roslin stands out even more because she couldn't fight at all and was, well...middle-aged. How often do middle-aged women get to be main cast? And how often do they get the central love story of the whole series? With a man their own age? Laura Roslin got all that. And she was insanely cool while doing it. Calm and composed and reasonable, she was an excellent leader, and yet she had passion, both of the romantic and the violent kind. Cross her, and you are fucking dead. Let me quote her Crowning Moment of Awesome, when mutineers on Galactica claim that they've executed her lover and demand her surrender (she's on another ship):

"No. Not now, not ever. Do you hear me? I will use every cannon, every bomb, every bullet, every weapon I have down to my own eye teeth to end you! I swear it! I'M COMING FOR ALL OF YOU!"

She rules.

2. C.C. (Code Geass)

While the portrayal of women in anime is often downright horrible, occasional brilliance stems from the general japanese knack for good characterization and great storytelling. When a female anime character actually is good, she's almost always great. And C.C. is just about the coolest and most interesting female character I've encountered in a long, long while.

An immortal from the middle ages forever locked in her sixteen-year old body, C.C. is tired of life, and pursues a way to end it. She bestows her supernatural gift, geass, on the main character, Lelouch, in the hope that he'll eventually take over her burden of immortality and let her die. Thus begins an awesome dynamic of psychological and sexual tension between the two of them, where C.C mostly adopts a background role as advisor to the genial Lelouch. Still, while he might be the more intelligent, she's got more experience and knowledge, and it's frequently shown that they both need each other. As often as Lelouch comes to her rescue when she's in trouble, she comes to his, and she readily took over his entire organisation in his absence. She's not a follower because she's female, but because she's a lone wolf and prefers it that way, and because she perceives it to be the best way to reach her own goals. Cynical, unemotional, practical and witty, she has of course a softer side that's eventually revealed, but that's part of the reason she became so disillusioned to begin with. And then there's intriguing and bisarre quirks like her obsession with pizza and hugging pillows.

Her Crowning Moment of Awesome is when Lelouch tells her "don't die" as she's about to commit a suicide attack (still being immortal, of course), and she answers, smiling: "who do you think you're talking to?".

However, she's still in an anime, and occasionally objectified to certain degrees. While she has relatively small breasts for anime standards, especially compared to other characters in this series, the animators do seem to love her butt quite a lot. Even so, she's a character of the kind only the japanese create; cool, cute and immensely interesting. It helps that her voice actor, Yukana, has a comparatively deep voice, giving her a fitting air of maturity.

1. Joan Holloway (Mad Men)

While certainly quite cool, and very sassy, Joan Holloway is also quite tragic. But she doesn't realise that herself, being utterly brainwashed by the patriarchal society she lives in (early 1960's America). For her, the first two seasons of the series seem to be about a gradual realisation of how oppressed she really is.

A secretary at the office the series is centered around, Joan accepts that she's a woman in a man's world and doesn't really mind that, at first. She's still not a pushover in any way; with both style and wit, she's the queen bee of the office, and all the other office girls look up to her. Most of the men also respects her, and she has a passionate affair with one of the bosses, for a time.

Then, she get's the opportunity to help a guy with his work of reviewing various tv-scripts, and she really enjoys it, and discovers that she has a knack with charming the clients. But in a few days, the guy in charge hires a young man to take over that job from her. Joan is clearly very disappointed, but quietly gives up.

And then we learn that her doctor fiancée abuses her, which she, of course, doesn't really realise. Eventually, there's this scene in her boss' office where her fiancée tells her something like "pretend you're my secretary", and she keeps begging him to stop, but he just force her down on the floor and rapes her while she quietly endures, focusing her gaze on a wall across the room. That scene was worse than even the infamous rape scene in "Irreversible", despite being much less violent.

Later in the very same episode, Joan say that her boyfriend "really is a wonderful man," as though she is desperately trying to convince herself of that.

No other character I've encountered in a tv-series have been such a disturbingly realistic example of the intricate mechanisms of oppression as Joan Holloway is. Of course, there's other sides to her character, and they're all interesting and well done, but this particular theme strikes me as something that haven't really been portrayed nearly as good as in "Mad Men", ever before.

Over and out

/Ola

Ye Grande Olde To Do-List.

2009-05-11T03:07:00.006+02:00

Okej, jag undrar om jag inte är på nån slags all-time low just nu, om mitt liv öht kan bli mindre produktivt. Låt mig göra ett försök att rycka upp det. Inte för att det kommer funka eller så, givet hur apatisk jag är, men well, värt ett försök...vem vet, på söndag kanske det blir much rejoicing?

Sålunda, till den här tiden typ nästa vecka ska jag ha:

- Städat köket och hallen -grundligt- (garderoberna och badrummet kan vänta en vecka)
- Sökt minst två jobb.
- Testat två nya recept (låt oss säga Nikkaluoktasoppa och...hmm...nåt mer).
- Köpt ett par byxor, om jag kan uppbringa pengar till det.
- Joggat minst två varv runt kvarteret.
- Skrivit minst halva Eumokapitlet till 'Västlanden' eller två företagsprofiler till Neotech 3. (Kom ihåg Ola, du får betalt för det där...)

Bonusutmaningen blir att frosta av frysen.

Om det verkar vara lågt satta mål, se det som en fingervisning om vidden av hur oförmögen jag är att ta tag i något.

Den gångna veckan lyckades jag:
- Tvätta
- Städa vardagsrummet (dock med hjälp av folk, så det räknas ej)
- Testa ett nytt recept (spaghetti carbonara, blev helt okej).

Wee.

suck

2009-05-10T06:54:00.000+02:00

Jag hatar mitt liv...

Yay Sweden!

2009-05-01T06:26:00.009+02:00

'In the News' on Wikipedia today:

"Sweden becomes the seventh country in the world to recognize same-sex marriages nationwide".

:-D

Sweden sucks on many levels (now, which country doesn't?) and although I generally despise nationalists and their ilk...

just for today, I'm fucking proud for Sweden. The right wing-junta currently in power have finally done something intelligent. Yay! In your face, conservative fucks!

Now, one can only wonder...how long will it take before polygamous unions are legalised? Considering how unbelievably deeply entrenched monogamy are in western culture, I'd guess about a century or so :-/

Buhu :(

2009-04-30T04:35:00.007+02:00

Jag är inte bara från och med nu officiellt utfattig, jag har också upptäckt att jag spräckt den magiska tresiffrorsgränsen, dvs jag väger nu mer än 100 kg. wee.

Det suger lite att dels vara så fattig och skuldsatt att man inte kan tänka på något annat än att antingen fly verkligheten eller söka jobb, samtidigt som man desperat borde banta, börja träna, whatevah. *suck*

Och hitta vettiga jobb, det är ju verkligen lätt...*ironi*

På plussidan har jag fått en cykel, ett par jävligt snygga skor, och ett kg tomatpuré för 10 spänn. Så nu måste jag hitta en massa recept på sunkbilliga rätter som innehåller massor av tomatpuré...

En liten ljuspunkt finns det med fattigdomen, kanske; jag är så ohemulskt fattig att jag inte har råd med chips och pizza. Viktminskning lär alltså ske i stort sett automatiskt. Å andra sidan är mitt colaberoende fortfarande så starkt att jag desperat vänder kronor för att få råd med skiten, vilket väl inte direkt är ett gott tecken.

Och nu får jag ebaya bort hela min dvärgarmé i Warhammer för att få pengar :(

Jag har förvisso fått ytterligare ett frilansjobb, jag är numera med och skriver på Neotech 3, aka NX. Men det är för en slavlön, och lagom till att jag får de pengarna är det väl vinter eller rentav sommar igen.

...och jag hyser fortfarande ett fåfängt hopp om att kunna spara ihop 20.000 spänn till sommaren 2010. I'll tell you why later.

På tal om 2010 så har jag gått och snackat om Beach 2010 i flera år nu...det är kanske rätt läge att börja jobba på det nu, givet det jag skrev om chips- och pizzabrist ovan.

Men då måste jag ju, ni vet, orka först...i den här takten hade jag behövt resten av holocen på mig att uträtta något vettigt öht. Det finns förstås hopp, på den punkten...somliga hävdar att holocen redan är över.

Fejktrailers

2009-04-21T20:10:00.005+02:00

Det är nåt visst när fejktrailers i filmer är bättre än själva filmen. "Tropic Thunder" var knappast direkt dålig, snarare rätt underhållande, men parodi-trailern för "Satan's Alley"...omfg. Glöm allt om "Machete", jag kommer faen inte kunna fungera som människa innan någon bestämmer sig för att faktiskt göra den här filmen:

...så jag är antagligen dömd att vara dysfunktionell för alltid, tyvärr :/

Takbīr!

2009-03-31T05:50:00.018+02:00

Det här fantastiska lilla klippet sprider sig som en löpeld just nu:

De ansvariga är alltså...nej vänta, jag vill att folk från Jänkistan ska kunna läsa det här, låt oss byta språk.

A similar clip about Malmö have circulated before, it was from FOX back then. That time, though, you could at least try to believe that they were just sadly mistaken about issues in Sweden, and had bought into the whole american "Europe is getting overrun by muslims! Oh noes!"-lunacy.

Of course, I should have known better. It was FOX, after all.

This time, it's from CBN, a right-wing, christian tv network, and it's downright propaganda, easily on par with things you'd see on chinese television in the 80s. Observe, for example, how they readily clump leftists, muslims, arabs and anarchists together in one big block of enemies of society. That's one of the oldest tricks in the book.

I won't even bother to pick this shit apart, it'll likely be apparent to every sane swede just how bigoted and vile it is. If any american whatsoever should ever happen to read this, though, you should know that the Sweden democrats that are almost the only ones CBN interviews are actually a very small party, not even qualified for parliament, and widely considered right-wing extremist among the broad swedish population. They're in fact so impopular, nay, despised, that all political parties in the parliament downright refuse to collaborate with them.

And, about that pro-israeli demonstration...it consisted of a small group of zionists that demanded solidarity with a state that elsewhere, at the very same time, were killing palestinians civilians in Gaza. It seems to me like you almost should expect a violent reaction to that.

Instead, I would like to complement CBN for, for once, making me fucking proud to be a swede. I am proud to be one of those leftists/arabs/muslims/anarchists that you people so despise. I would also like to thank all arabs and muslims (and kurds and persians and all other immigrants, for that matter, whatever their religion or ethnicity) for coming here. Yes, there have been problems, many immigrants have been relegated to poor suburbs and caught in crime and poverty. It's bad, and sad...

But the immigrants have also contributed greatly to society in every imaginable way. They've worked, started companies, created awesome culture, and generally been really nice to have around. The most interesting areas in history have always been those that were crossroads of cultures. That's where ideas and inventions are exchanged and spread. Americans always claim proudly that their country were built by immigrants. Why, then, would immigration suddenly be a bad thing? Because the arabs are poor? So were the swedes and irish that came to America. Because the arabs are different? So were the chinese that came to America, not to mention the various european sects that sought refuge from persecution there.

No, it's because the arabs are muslims, of course. They threathen the true faith. They're evil terrorists, all of them. They all want to mutilate vulvas, force everyone to grow a beard and forbid all things enjoyable in life. *sigh*

And yeah, let's not forget...they've got oil.

Multiculturalism is a good, good thing - history strongly seem to suggest that cultures that isolate themselves eventually stagnates culturally, technologically and socially, and become backward and totalitarian. (That's the way the US are going right now). Dynamic, tolerant and multicultural societies have always achieved more.

And they always will.

Recension: För ett hus av sten

2009-03-11T03:14:00.003+01:00

'En sann historia om en ung kvinnas tragiska öde', står det på omslaget. Det kanske är jag som är luttrad, men inte faen var det särskilt tragiskt. Okej, där är en bit där hon lider av en sån här efter-förlossningen-depression som får alla i hennes by på Luzon att tro att hon är besatt av onda andar, och hon regresserar så till den grad att hennes familj håller henne inspärrad i sin egen avföring i en bur på köksgolvet. Det var ganska hardcore.

Men i övrigt känns Gina Frenchs liv inte alls särskilt tragiskt. Okej, hon var prostituerad i Manila, hon blev misshandlad i sitt ena äktenskap, och drevs av detta till slut att mörda sin make - men hon blev fucking friad i rätten och hittade en ny kille och levde lycklig i alla sina dar. Jämför med Maha i 'De dansande flickorna i Lahore', som också är en verklig person; hon blev som tolvåring fullproppad med droger och fick sin oskuld såld till en oljeshejk, och nu står hon i valet och kvalet om hon ska sälja sin egen tolvåriga dotter till samme shejk. Wee.

I jämförelse framstår det närmast som en travesti att kalla Gina Frenchs liv för 'tragiskt'.

Men det är klart, allt är relativt, lidande kan egentligen inte kvantifieras sådär. Det är mycket möjligt att Blondinbella känner lidande i någon form när hon inte får den där minkpälsen hon vill ha, mest att...

jag inte bryr mig ett skit. Inga sympatipoäng där.

Något liknande är liksom hela känslan man får av 'För ett hus av sten'. Ginas föräldrar älskar henne, hon hittar kärleksfulla män tre gånger om, även om två av äktenskapen slutar olyckligt, får massor av vänner...det kvalar liksom inte in som en tragedi ens i ordets absolut vidaste bemärkelse.

Det hade förstås varit lättare att få empati med Gina om boken inte varit så torftigt skriven. Och då har hon ändå haft hjälp av nån snubbe, Andrew Crofts, som visst ska vara duktig på biografier...det märks inte. Som det är nu så okej, det var väl kaaanske värt att skriva en biografi om det här livsödet, boken har sina höjdpunkter, men som ångestlitteratur betraktat är den inte mycket att hänga i julgranen. En medioker historia som går en snabbt förbi.

Ångest på pocket

2009-03-10T22:48:00.008+01:00

Jag gillar lättsmälta ångestskildringar. Eller ja, jag gillar förvisso ångestskildringar öht. I filmens värld ser jag rentav gärna att de är svåååra, djupa, och artsy, men jag är inte lika pretto när det kommer till böcker...där gillar jag sådana här pocketar man får i halvdan svensk översättning för 39 spänn på adlibris. Vi rör oss inte i den pampiga tragedins värld här, och inte bland pretentiös Kafka-ångest eller nattsvarta historiska epos, alla former av fantastiska inslag går fetbort...en bra ångestroman ska handla om vardagsångest, social misär, vanliga människors lidande, inte svårmodiga schizofrena poeter i Prag. En litterär motsvarighet till en Lars Norén-pjäs eller bröderna Dardenne-film, frånsett att den knappast får några priser, då. En bekant myntade en gång en rätt bra term för genren som helhet, oavsett medium; 'sossporr'. Sug på ordet, det uttrycker liksom vad det handlar om: vi ska vältra oss i socialrealistisk ångest här.

Jag introducerades först till genren av Mecka Linds romaner, som de prackade på en på mellanstadiet/högstadiet nån gång. Den första man läste, 'Sanne Gatubarn', var väl mest bara sådär lagom hemsk, men sedan hade hon skrivit någon, 'Isabel' hette den visst, om en liten gatflicka i fucking Brasilien som var helt igenom förjävlig, en skildring av ett fullständigt miserabelt liv, där huvudpersonen slutar som dekapiterat lik på en soptipp. Det var bra böcker, alltså, tyckte jag iallafall då, men de var typ skoningslösa på George RR Martin-nivå. Det känns nästan lite lustigt att de hade sånt på ett skolbibliotek. Lite google-fu avslöjar dessutom att Mecka Lind fortsatt att skriva sånt där; hon har kläckt ur sig en roman om en barnsoldat i Afrika och en tiggarunge i Moskva på senare år. De måste verkligen vara fullproppade av happy happy, joy joy.

I vilket fall så satte de där böckerna nog sina spår, av min filmsmak att döma; jag är en fullkomlig sucker för en riktig tragedi, och såna här socialrealistiska ångestfilmer är typ bränsle för själen. Det kan ha att göra med att det bara brukar vara jävligt begåvade och visionära filmskapare som öht ger sig på att göra sådana rullar, förstås.

Men skitsamma, jag orkar inte psykoanalysera mig själv här...jag tänkte först ursäkta det med att trauman, tragedier och misär skapar bra drama, men det är som bäst halva sanningen. Det är ju oändligt intressant att utforska hur det mänskliga psyket hanterar sånt där, blablabla...äh, jag vet inte. Det här inlägget skulle ju handla om böcker, var idén...notera dock hur samtliga av böckerna jag köpt handlar om kvinnor, det är säkert nån intressant freudiansk issue som ligger bakom där.

Jag har läst eller iaf påbörjat fyra sådana där sunkbilliga adlibris-pocketar på sistone. Faktum är, de är (nästan) det enda i bokväg jag överhuvudtaget orkat läsa det senaste året. Jag menade vad jag sa om lättsmälta ångestskildringar, alltså. (Jag har läst Flowers for Algernon också, som är ångest som faaaan, men den kvalar in som finkultur, så den går bort här). Två av dem är fiktiva historier, en nån slags självbiografi, och en är en reportagebok. Alla är högoktanigt bränsle för ångestfrossa (eller okej, en höll inte riktigt vad den lovade, men vi kommer till det...)

Här har ni skönheterna. De är i ordning:

'De dansande flickorna i Lahore' av Louise Brown, en journalistisk skildring av livet bland prostituerade i Pakistans uråldriga glädjekvarter.

'För ett hus av sten' av Gina French, en självbiografi av en filippinsk eskortflicka.

'Tusen strålande solar' av Khaled Hosseini, en roman om vänskap mellan två kvinnor i talibanernas Afghanistan.

'Innan jag dör' av Jenny Downham, roman om en 16-årig flicka som är döende i leukemi och försöker göra det bästa av de få månader hon har kvar att leva.

Jag tänker recensera dem senare, iaf lite grann. Två av dem måste jag dessutom läsa klart först. Men eftersom det här är min blogg kan jag vänta hur länge jag vill med det, muwahaha!

More Awesome Animals

2009-02-17T19:30:00.019+01:00

Ok, so I take for granted you've all read my Top Ten Most Awesome Animals Ever? This is the grand continuation of that list, the beings that aren't quite awesome enough to make it into the very top 10, but still sufficiently awesome to be in the top 20. While they can't compete with the likes of Deinonychus antirrhopus or the woolly mammoth, they still count among the coolest (or most bizarre, or most awe-inspiring) animals ever to have existed. Let's just begin.

20. Dawn horse (Hyracotherium leporinum), Eocene, 60-45 million years BP, North America

These little buggers are the forefathers of both the horses and the brontotheres (see below), which is rather hard to believe when you look at them, considering they were about 20 cm tall. While a distinct lack of size normally doesn't get you qualified for awesomeness, being an ancestor of the horses just might do the job. Without horses, there would have been no chariots, no steppe nomads, maybe not even iron-age civilisations. Almost all the coolness that the human race has accomplished would have been impossible without them.

Considering that, there is something distinctively awesome about being miniscule proto-horses after all. The name "dawn horse" does indeed sound extremely cool.

19. Cave bear (Ursus spelaeus), Pleistocene, 270.000-27.800 years BP, Europe and Caucasus

Living in the great ice-age forest that once covered much of Europe, the cave bear died out when these forest recided. However, like other members of the megafauna, it still managed to make its imprint on the human consciousness. The very name "cave bear" gets your imagination going. You see it rushing out of a cave, going berzerk on a bunch of Cro-Magnon trying desperately to kill it with spears and hatchets. If that image weren't actually quite correct, the cave bear wouldn't have made it into the awesomeness top twenty. You see, it wasn't actually larger than grizzly bears are today, and it was mostly a vegetarian, which hardly inspires much dread.

On the other hand, grizzly bear-size is quite humongous.

But here's the really good part: a lot of cave bear skulls have been found arranged in really strange ways in cave dwellings of the Neanderthals, all across Europe. Although we'll never know for sure, it would seem that the Neanderthals actually worshipped the cave bear. How's that for awesomeness?

18. Ocean sunfish (Mola mola), Late Miocene-Present, ~10-0 million years BP, Tropical and temperate oceans worldwide

It's hard to belive this species were actually named "Mola mola" by Linneaus. It's latin for "millstone" apparently, as this fish is thought to resemble one. It might be a fitting name, considering how hard it is to take it seriously, as ocean sunfishs look quite ridiculous and are completely harmless to humans. Never forget, however; size equals awesomeness, at least to a certain degree, and the Mola mola is the largest bony fish in the world. Also, if you turn it over on the side, it would look like a biotechnological starship or something. The Vorlons would approve.

17. Brontotherium gigas, Eocene-Oligocene, 38-32 million years BP, North America.

Except for the Elasmotherium, this species had the most awesome horns in history. An ancient relative to horses and tapirs, they once roamed the plains in vast herds. And they were large, about 2,5 meters high. Brontotherium died out tens of millions of years before humans made their way to the Americas, but it still managed to inspire awe; as Native Americans eventually found their bones and believed they came from beings that produced thunder as they ran through the clouds. The latin name Brontotherium actually means "Thunder beast".

16. Elephant Bird (Aepyornis Maximus), Pleistocene-Present, 70.000-200 years BP, Madagascar.

While not the largest bird ever (the giant moa of New Zeeland has that honor), Aepyornis was the heaviest, and still gigantic by all means: about three meters tall and weighing in at over 400 kg. Ostrichs are small by comparison. Like many extraordinarily large, flightless birds, Aepyornis evolved in isolation on an island, where it filled the same echological niche as large, grazing mammals elsewhere.

It is not know exactly why Aepyornis died out, but humans likely played a part. It held out a while longer than the moa; long enough to be mentioned in european records. Sadly, it would seem no one ever claims that Aepyornis is still alive, while supposed sightings of giant moa are sometimes reported from New Zeeland. The exalted status of cryptid always makes an animal cool, so that would be a point in the moas favor...

...If not for the fact that moas were ugly as hell. That's why the elephant bird of Madagascar is the one who gets to represent all humongous birds on this list. It might have been the source behind the colossal Roc bird in A Thousand and One Nights, which is certainly quite cool.

Being a distant descendant of Deinonychus antirrhopus, no matter how docile, also helps of course.

15. Galápagos tortoise (Geochelone nigra), Late Miocene-Present, ~10-0 million years BP, Galápagos islands

The tortoises belong to a very ancient order, and considering how it seems like just about everything was bigger in the past, there have once been turtles much larger than those of today. However, they lived in the sea, and the seas have always been filled with bizarre stuff; having creatures like this on dry land is much more awesome, calmly walking about on their stout legs like they owned the place.

And this is the biggest of them, and thus the most awesome. Just having something defined as an exoskeleton does help, of course, as does living at least as long as the cachalot; in fact, certain individual giant tortoises may have been the oldest animals ever recorded (we're talking two or even three centuries). It's just a shame they're not big enough that grown people can ride them. Still, with its rugged cool looks, the Galápagos tortoise beats out every other creature that have ever worn a shell, it's just that awesome.

14. Short-tail stingray (Dasyatis brevicaudata), Late Cretaceous-Present, 100-0 million years BP, Eastern Indian ocean, Southern Pacific

There seem to have been a bet among the entire fucking fauna of Australia about who'd be the one to bring Steve Irwin, aka "the Crocodile Hunter", down. Eventually, the stingrays did the deed, and earned the enduring jealousy of all. You see, these guys are poisonous as hell, and have a barbed tail that they can jam straight into your heart. It has to be said; generally, stingrays are pretty docile, which isn't a trait that gets one qualified for awesomeness, but when they do get pissed, then can and will hurt you.

Primarily, though, they're ancient, and thus look extremely bizarre. Some astronomists in the 60's or something even thought there could be beings like this swimming around in the gas clouds of Jupiter. Yes, you read right; stingrays are so bizarre that scientists once imagined extraterrestrial beings could look like them. In fact, the entire biological class they belong to, Chondrichthyes, called "broskfiskar" in swedish, are pretty awesome; at least three of 'em will make it into the top twenty. The short-tail stingray is the largest of the stingray family, up to 4,3 meters long, and because size equals awesomeness, it'll represent them on this list:

13. Hatzegopteryx thambema, Late Cretaceous, 65 million years BP, Eastern Europe

A larger relative of the more well-known Quetzalcoatlus, this might have been the largest flying creature in the history of the earth. Its entire family has a quite awesome name, '"Azhdarchidae", from a dragon in Uzbek mythology. And dragons are, as we all know, in the absolute top tier of awesomeness.

Although extremely ugly, Hatzegopteryx was absolutely gigantic, it's skull alone almost 3 meters long, among the largest skulls of any known non-marine animals. Scientists assume the weight of the skull must have been reduced by tiny hollows in the internal bone structure just to make this beast able to lift from the ground. And it was a predator, which is always a plus.

The most bizarre part, however, is the way it walked when it was on the ground, like a bow-legged giraffe or something:

12. Haast's eagle (Harpagornis moorei), Pleistocene-Holocene, ~1.8 million-600 years BP, New Zeeland.

There's really not much that has to be said about this guy. Eagles are maybe the most beautiful of all birds, and Haast's eagle was the largest, with females weighing about 10-15 kg, compared to the 9 kg that really huge eagles weigh today. Developing in isolation on New Zeeland, it preyed on the hapless megafauna, and experienced the greatest and fastest evolutionary increase in weight of any known vertebrate. Diving from the air at 80 km/h, it landed on its target like a cinder block dropped from 25 meters, and could kill creatures 15 times its own size - in fact, it preyed on giant fucking moas.

It is commonly thought that Haast's eagle died out because humans killed off the creatures it preyed on. However, it is possible that the Maori actively hunted it down; for a beast that commonly killed much larger bipeds, humans might have been viable prey. Now that would have caused cries of joy and jealousy even from Deinonychus.

11. Dunkleosteus terrelli, Late Devonian, 380-360 million years BP, Panthalassic ocean

While not the most awesome marine animal ever, Dunkleosteus might be the most scary. It is also by far the most ancient creature on the Most Awesome Animals-lists, a true horror from the dawn of time. An apex predator, it roamed the coastal waters of the Panthalassa, the vast global ocean that covered most of the world during the Paleozoic era.

Apart from its horrifying disposition, Dunkleosteus is thought to have possessed the most powerful bite of any fish, even the sharks pale in comparison. We're talking jaw strenght comparable to that of Tyrannosaurus and modern crocodiles here; that's the most powerful bite of all times. Just to make it even worse, Dunkleosteus lacked teeth, and instead had a pair of sharp armored plates that formed a terrible beak.

But here's the part that really should have gotten this beast qualified for the real Top Ten, hadn't I forgotten about it: it was six meters long:

And the compulsory honorary mention goes to:

Neanderthal (Homo sapiens neanderthalensis), Pleistocene, 130.000-30 000 years BP, Europe and Western Asia

One of the great mysteries of the world. Who were they, really? Why did they disappear? Did they leave any traces of their existence in modern humans? There are are many theories, but no sure answers.

But it is almost certain they had religion, language, advanced tools, and were in most ways just as advanced as their human contemporaries; they might even have had music; there's a small object found in Slovenia that seems to have been a neanderthal flute. The old view of them as primitive half-monkeys are long gone; these guys were human. They had thoughts and feelings like we have, and their fate really should teach us something about our own frailty.

Had things been different, the Neanderthals might have been the ones to invent the internet and pizza and the geological timescale. Maybe they would never have exterminated the mammoth to begin with. Now that's an awesome thought.

Top Ten Most Awesome Animals Ever

2009-02-09T03:54:00.077+01:00

If you're bored, make a list. The topic for today is animals that were simply too awesome to live - and a few that actually managed to survive to the present, despite their coolness. (Although I bet only one of them, the evil one, will last to the next geological epoch). Here we go, and of course we begin from the end up:

10. Carcharocles Megalodon, Miocene-Pleistocene, 18-1,5 million years BP, Worldwide.

I'm not a great fan of sharks, but I love the horrors that populated the prehistoric seas. I know there was a giant fish with bony coverings and mouth like a pincer, but I can't seem to remember it's name, so the Megalodon will have to take it's place, simply because of it's sheer size. If there were sharks like this alive today, media would be in a veritable frenzy to have them eradicated from the face of the earth. I mean, just look at it:

9. Common Gull (Larus Canus), Oligocene-Present, 33-0 million years BP, Northern hemisphere.

Called 'Fiskmås' in swedish, this is by far my favorite bird. It's rather hard to explain why, as it not exotic at all, and doesn't look nearly as cool as eagles, hawks and such. But ever since I read an old children's book, 'Snorre Säl', I've loved them. The book is about a little baby seal in the Arctic that runs away from home and encounters various predators, and there were two seagulls in the book filling the classic Iago role; subtly manipulating all events, causing mayhem just for their own amusement. And they were the only villains that escaped in the end, for no one had any proof against them. They were so deliciously machiavellian, and they've shaped my perception of seagulls ever since.

Seagulls are found everywhere in Sweden, from the southern fields to the northern mountains, they don't fear humans at all, they can even snatch people's food from their hands. They're ancient, they're unchallenged, free to fly wherever they like, and every time I see them I imagine some omnious intelligence behind their eyes. I bet they'll be byzantine enough to even outlast humanity. Seagulls are simply evil:

8. Elasmosaurus Platyurus, Early Cretaceous, 80 million years BP, North America.

Another horror of the primordial oceans, the Elasmosaurus had the longest neck of all pleisiosaurs and the most vertebrae of any animal ever. It was about 13 meters long. It's number eight simply because of how awesome and alien it looked:

7. Megatherium Americanum, Pliocene-Holocene, 2 million-8.000 years BP, South America.

There's something special about sloths. Somehow, they manage to look utterly bizarre without even trying that hard. While creatures like Elasmosaurus are pure nightmare fuel, sloths seem to perpetually strain the border between that and absolute cuddlieness.

And this sloth was elephant-sized, as high as two elephants when it stood on its hind legs. That alone should be sufficient to qualify for this list, really. Evidence suggests it might have been at least partially a carnivore, chasing away sabre-toothed cats and stealing their kills. Some fossils of the giant (that is, car-sized) armadillo Glyptodon have been found lying on their backs, indicating something flipped them over in order to get beneath their armor and kill and/or eat them. The only known creature in the area at the time that would have been capable of this feat was Megatherium.

And even better still; Having no natural enemies until humans came along, it's likely hunting by humans was the cause for Megatherium's extinction. Just imagine the sight of a whole group of stone age hunters trying to bring down a giant fucking sloth. Now that's awesome.

6. Common Cachalot (Physeter Macrocephalus), Miocene-Present, 23-0 million years BP, Worldwide.

I refuse to use the more common english name 'Sperm Whale' because it sucks. In swedish it's called Kaskelot, which does it much more justice. Cachalot/Kaskelot is derived from an old french word for 'tooth'. The largest of the toothed whales, it's also one of the most bizarre looking whales, and one of the largest creatures that has ever existed on earth. Further, it has the largest brain ever, can produce the highest sound of any living animal (except the Bloop of course), and can dive the deepest of any mammal. Also, it seems to live like forever, though no one really knows how long; I remember reading somewhere that they found siberian harpoon tips from the 18th century embedded in cachalots killed in the 1990s.

But, best of all, this being has colossal squids for breakfast:

5. Elasmotherium Sibiricum, Middle Pleistocene, 780-200.000 years BP, Southeastern Europe, Western Siberia.

This is the very definition of awesome horn. It's so cool, in fact, that some researchers think it might have been the source of the unicorn myths from Persia and China. Others claim it actually survived into historical times, one account of the famous medieval traveller Ibn Fadlan has been interpreted as describing a sighting of elasmotherium.

To make it even better, this is the largest species of rhino that ever was, on average over two meters high and six meters long. That's gigantic.

But the horn. Dear God, the horn...

4. Polar Bear (Ursus Maritimus), Pleistocene-Present, 200.000-0 years BP, the Arctic.

There's something special about arctic animals. I don't know what it is, but they seem to have a much higher rate of coolness than any other group. Bears have always been awesome and intimately tied to human imagination, and this is the largest and the most beautiful of them all, the largest land-living predator still in existence. Its white fur, the gentle slope of its skull, the sure knowledge than it can both swim, run and climb, and that it will kill you in an instant...

And it's called nanook in inuit, umka in the Chukchi language, and ursus in latin - it seems it's so awesome that every language absolutely has to have a really cool name for it. Fantasy authors actually seem to have realized just how awesome polar bears are - they're used as mounts in a lot of settings, and they're even intelligent and talking in His Dark Materials. And they plow through humans like a scythe through wheat.

3. Deinonychus Antirrhopus, Early Cretaceous, 115 million years BP, North America.

The lord of cool among the dinosaurs, and the forefather of all the awesome birds of the world, this is without a doubt the most badass creature ever. Forget the sucky Tyrannosaurus, it's grotesquely overrated, it might even have been borderline braindead. Deinonychus hunted in packs and brought down creatures many times their own size, they were fast, lethal and extremely intelligent for their time, and they had those giant scythe-like claws that we've all loved since long before Jurassic Park. (Their very name actually means "terrible claw"). They even seem to have been able to grasp stuff; grabbing targets with their forelimbs while gutting them with the scythe-claws. In fact, these guys were so badass it seems nature felt the need to essentially nuke them from orbit. Had they lived, they would have killed all of humanity in the cradle.

Instead, they had to change strategy and (d)evolve into the machiavellian seagulls, to threaten not our lives so much as our sanity.

But it gets even better. In later years, scientists have discovered that Deinonychus had feathers. I give you the Killer Turkey from Hell:

2. Amur Tiger (Panthera Tigris Altaica), Holocene, 10.000-0 years BP, Southeastern Siberia.

More commonly known as the 'Siberian tiger', this is the most awesome subspecies of the most awesome species of the most awesome genus of the most awesome family of predators ever. (That is Felidae, the cats). A solitary hunter, it's fast, lethal, intelligent, and it lives in Siberia, in huge forests and snow-covered fields, which is much cooler than the jungles of its cousins, mostly because you never find tigers in snow in the clichés. And it can roar! With its huge paws and its mane of fur around the neck, it looks both more cuddly and more powerful than other tigers. It's just utterly beautiful. And it's the largest of them all. The Tungusic peoples called it "Grandfather", the Manchus called it "King":

1. Woolly Mammoth (Mammuthus Primigenius), Pleistocene-Holocene, 300.000-2.000 years BP, Northern Eurasia and America.

You'll notice a lot of animals from arctic or cold temperate climates on this list, as those animals tend to be awesome. I'm not really sure why; it could have to do with their fur, or my fascination with cold climates in general, but it's a fact nevertheless. The pleistocene megafauna was also cool in general, maybe because those creatures lived while modern humans did, but died out before historical times, leaving us with vague memories of them in cave paintings and myths. It's a certain kind of mysterious feeling associated with that; why did they disappear? Were they simply too awesome to live?

Anyhow, this is their king, foremost among both the megafauna and all animals that have ever trampled snow. It was huge, it had fur, it had giant tusks, it roamed the tundra in huge herds, hunted by our forefathers, and it persisted in legends and the human imagination for all times.

The woolly mammoth is the only animal except humans that has had its entire mitochondrial genome mapped by scientists. There are a lot of mammoth mummies around, and if we can just find a mummy with intact sperm cells, it might be possible to revive them and ressurrect the mammoths. Even if this doesn't work, we've got their genome; someday we'll clone them back into existence!

Too awesome to live, too awesome to die; The Woolly Mammoth!

And honorary mention goes to:

Human (Homo Sapiens Sapiens), Pleistocene-Present, 200.000-0 years BP, Worldwide and in Geocentric orbit.

Well, they did manage to invent the internet, after all. And pizza. And the geological timescale. Although they took their time. Having a great talent for destruction, the humans eradicated the megafauna and are well on their way to burning the entire planet to cinders, but they can't battle colossal squids one-on-one, nor do they match the seagulls in sheer evil ingenuity. Per default, humans are not that cool, but they have this stuff called clothing that can potentially make them at least somewhat awesome. Not nearly as awesome as the mammoth of course, but hey, sooner or later they're going to bring the mammoth back.

Concerning awesomeness...

2009-02-08T07:20:00.015+01:00

I saw the movie 'Mammoth' today. (Well, yesterday, really). Judging by it's rating on IMDB, it should be a really, really sucky movie. But no, no. After all, IMDB has been known to be wrong before.

You see, people just doesn't understand what awesomeness is all about.

The Matrix? Special effects that starts out as bordering on cool but gets progessively worse as the movie (series) goes on, lame and pointless religious symbolism, Keanu Reeves trying desperately to look cool in a trenchcoat? That's not awesome, it's retarded.

Pathfinder? Giant vikings from hell? With huuuge spikes on their longships? Maybe it's awesome for people who really, really, really get off to Warhammer Chaos. Just maybe. Actually, it's just stupid. And even worse; it's a remake, so it drags its predecessor, that was quite a unique and good movie, down with it. Please, no.

10 000 B.C.? Don't even get me started. It could have been somewhat awesome if they had done more with the Atlantis-Giza-connection, like involve some Dänicken theories more blatantly. As it stands, maybe it has one or two scenes that are slightly cool, but nowhere near the exalted state of awesomeness.

But 'Mammoth'? It has a rampaging, undead woolly mammoth possessed by evil extraterrestrial energy. Now that's filmmakers with an almost boddhisattva-like understanding of what awesomeness really is.

There are only a precious few films like this, with concepts that are so godawesome that they surpass everything else and turns an otherwise horribly bad movie into something worthwile. (Of course, 'Mammoth' also has Summer Glau, but it would take an almost godlike amount of hotness to compensate for the general suckyness of a really bad movie. She is neither God nor Li Xiaolu, so she doesn't cut it. An undead extraterrestrial mammoth does).

Mammoth has it's flaws. The script is bad, the plot is worse, the sound editing is awful, the mammoth is way too heavy and a little too big to be believable, the computer animations are bad, character development is almost non-existent...

but the dialog is funny at times, the acting isn't horribly bad...

and there's a goddamn undead mammoth!

You just gotta love it.

'Frontières' is a bit like this. The plot is bad, the characters are shallow, the gore is overdone, and it's french, so the female main character is of course weak and passive compared to her male companions, and pregnant too boot, and of course the bad guys wants her baby, and wants her for a penis insertion device.

but the bad guys are patriarchal, cannibalistic, inbred redneck nazis. Not somelame neo-nazis here, no, the real kind, having endured in the french countryside since the war. And they have a veritable slaugtherhouse in a cave complex downstairs, and butcher visitors like pigs. Also, a pair of them keep their deformed offsprings crawling down there in the darkness. And the patriarch of the family, who is old enough to have been in the NSDAP, screams "Arbeit macht frei" while he clips people's heel tendon off.

The only way that could have been more awesome is if they were worshipping Cthulhu.

And, of course, the "we want your baby"-trope can be done in a good way. Look at 'L'interieur', another french film. 'Hey, I'm nine months pregnant and my husband just died in a car crash so I'm all alone, and I wake up one night with a woman trying to clip my stomach open with a scissor, and I panic, so she slashes me in the face and cleaves my lip. I kick her away, get up, clumsily of course, and stumbles to the toilet where I lock myself in, cry and pee myself while I desperately examine my swelling stomach to see if the baby is okay. And when I feel it kicking I slide down on the floor sobbing from relief, and then I hear someone slashing at the door, trying to get in...'

L'Interieur isn't really a bad movie in any way though, so albeit it's awesomeness, it isn't one of those films that get good from pure awesomeness alone. 'Mammoth' and 'Frontières' are two rare examples of films that can claim that. There are others, like the old Hongkong movie 'The Seventh Curse' as it's got flesh-eating fetuses and bizarre sacrifical cults hidden away in the jungles of Thailand, worshipping undead vampiric lords. And, of course, 'Dagon', it seems you can almost never go wrong with Lovecraft.

But still, it's a group for a select few, indeed. Congratulations, 'Mammoth', you just qualified.

Now I'll just have to see if the remake by Lukas Modysson is half as awesome...

Dagens goda nyhet

2009-02-07T19:12:00.007+01:00

...är att några forskare tror att den antarktiska shelfisens eventuella kollaps kan ändra jordaxelns lutning.

Det är inte som det i sig kommer döda oss allihop, men det är ju bara en av så många larmrapporter att man drunknar i dem. Jag finner mig ha nån slags, egentligen helt obefogad, övertygelse om att 'det löser sig', det drabbar ändå inte mig...

men om inte alla andra också tänkte så, skulle vi väl gjort något vettigt för att stoppa global uppvärmning för länge sedan?

det blir ju inte bättre av att det finns folk därute som inte ens tror på att den globala uppvärmningen är orsakad av människor, nej, bättre upp, det finns folk som fucking förnekar att den öht existerar.

Ytterligare ett problem är att även människor som tänker som jag, inte verkar medvetna om att de gör det. 'Det löser sig'-attityden börjar gränsa åt en religion, liksom.

Men värst av allt, tror jag, är att 'demokratiska' marknadsekonomier är lamslagna inför att ta tag i sådana här problem. I det kapitalistiska samhällets natur ligger att man bara har incitament att utföra saker som genererar omedelbar vinst, vilket är en bidragande orsak till att rymdprogrammen i världen gått i stå de senaste decennierna. Alla är överens om att mänskligheten måste utveckla rymdfart om hon ska kunna överleva i det långa loppet; men ingen är beredd att lägga pengarna som krävs på det, för det genererar vinst först på lång sikt.

Att ta itu med orsakerna bakom global uppvärmning hade krävt inskränkningar i produktion, och individens rättigheter. Det ena är kapitalismens heliga ko, det andra den västerländska liberalismens. Jämför med ettbarnspolitiken i Kina, visst, den är autokratisk, arbiträr, och orsakar lidande, och västerlänningar formligen öser skit över den, men den var nödvändig för Kinas framtida välfärd. En diktatur som Kina kunde genomföra en sådan reform, oavsett vad folket och marknadskrafterna tyckte om saken.

Det hade aldrig gått i Jänkistan eller Västeuropa.

Så...vad faen ska vi göra?

Min gissning är att politikerna och kapitalisterna kommer sitta och rulla tummarna och låtsas att det regnar tills Bangladesh och Nederländerna sjunkit i havet, polarisarna smält, jordaxeln förflyttats, och regn, tsunamis och åska av förhistoriska magnituder piskar den förbrända, skälvande jorden.

Ain't it sweet?

'的' är det nya 'the'

2009-02-05T16:09:00.005+01:00

的 är ett kinesiskt relationsord som uttalas typ 'döh', skrivs med pinyin 'de'. Det används...uhm...typ för att markera tillhörighet, säg 我的妹妹, 'wǒ de mèimei'; 'min lillasyster'. (Som i det här fallet då återfinns här). Ordagrant blir det typ 'jag (tillhörighet) lillasyster'. Om 'Ola' och 'blogg' kunde uttalas eller skrivas på kinesiska hade 'Ola 的 blogg' helt enkelt betytt 'Olas blogg'. Nu går inte det, egentligen, men det hindrade inte sångerskan Dadawa från att göra så på sin blogg, en idé jag och syrran entusiastiskt omfamnade. 的 låter ju också nästan som engelskans 'the', och därmed kan titeln också tolkas som 'Ola - the blogg'. På grund av denna fantastiska bilingual bonus, förklarar jag härmed att '的' är det nya 'the'. Nu, och för alltid.

Ayep.

Och därmed förklarar jag min blogg öppnad.